


Home

by Jinkisducklings



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alpha Lee Jinki | Onew, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Kim Jonghyun, Omegaverse, ayo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinkisducklings/pseuds/Jinkisducklings
Summary: Jonghyun once told Jinki he smelled like home. When asked why he thought so he responded with, "Our house isn’t a home without you in it." Jinki just smiled and kissed him, because their home wasn’t made from the building around them or the things put it in. He agreed with one thing, his home was wherever Jonghyun was.





	1. Chapter 1

             Jonghyun’s body was leaning heavily back against his mate, tiny body weighed down from the sedation of finishing multiples times during the last day of his heat, but Jinki was solid and firm. He was strong and caring, and he was taking care of his home. His hands were smaller than his omega’s, but that didn’t take away from their effect as he moved them over Jonghyun’s burning skin. Omega’s heats were different depending on the person, and Jonghyun’s meant constant need of physical touch no matter sexual or not, kissie to the nth degree, and the constant need to be filled by his mate's cock. He wasn’t lost to his hormones, but there were some omegas that had the symptoms of it. Jonghyun’s skin always was tingly and his temperature was higher than normal, and he was more sensitive to Jinki’s aroma.

             Jinki moved his hand across Jonghyun’s tummy, teeth nibbling at his omega’s neck in between his whispers of, “You’re going to carry my baby right here beautiful.” Jonghyun tightened around him, the idea of breeding and carrying Jinki’s child making his tummy warm. Knowing Jinki wanted him to carry his baby made him lift his hips a little to slide back down on Jinki’s thick cock. Jink’s chuckles blew against his hot neck, “Soon Babyboy,” Jonghyun whined and twisted his neck to try and get Jinki to kiss him even in the weird angle. “Shh beautiful. You’ll get kisses once I’m done fucking up into you.”

             Jonghyun planted his feet on the mattress and pushed up a little to give Jinki a little room to move. His small hands were put on Jonghyun’s hip and a smile was on his face as he kissed the mating mark on his neck and lifted his hips up, sliding to the base of his cock with a soft sigh. So warm. So wet. So inviting. Jonghyun’s fingers curled in Jinki’s thighs as his voice raised and broke which each strong thrust into his small frame. When Jinki’s thrusts slowed down Jonghyun whimpered as his alpha slipped out of him so he could move. He was laid down on his back, legs softly spread with gentle hands on his knees and Jinki was laying over him. Jonghyun’s hands were in his hair, moving down his back to claw at his skin and tug him down closer for kisses. Jinki loved being clawed up, and almost every time they had sex in and out of Jonghyun’s heat he always came out with battle scars. Jinki only pulled away from kissing him so reach down and line himself up with Jonghyun’s entrance. The omega whined as the kisses stopped and pulled the other down as soon as he was sliding back into him. He didn’t move for a while, just kissing Jonghyun and feeling his fingers press into his back and tug on his hair every so often. He knew how Jonghyun loved being filled during his heat. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t stop whimpering.

             When the throbbing around him was becoming too overwhelming Jinki pulled away. Jonghyun didn’t like the fact the kissing stopped, but as Jinki leaned back on his heels and held him at the curve of his hips going to his legs and tugged him down the bed a little until his cock was in him to the hilt, Jonghyun didn’t mind at all. His hands were pushed up under the pillow, curling into the plush surface as his head was thrown back and his eyes fluttered shut. His neck was elongated and his adams apple bobbed as his moan bubbled up with each slap of Jinki’s balls against his ass. It took everything in Jinki not to lean down and ravish the golden skin before him, but he knew Jonghyun was close to another orgasm and he wanted to get him to that before they switched to finish for the night. When Jonghyun did manage to finish, his back arched off the bed and his voice was silent as his body tensed up and his cock shot over his stomach. Jinki reached down to push his claws into his thigh to stop himself from knotting so soon. He wanted to wait until they were spooning. That way he could stay locked in his lover until the morning, keep his seed inside his tiny omega longer. Jonghyun wanted a baby, and he would give it to him.

             Jonghyun was becoming more exhausted, so Jinki gently pushed him to his side and lifted his thigh up as he slid behind him. Jonghyun’s hand was back, trying to touch something as he pushed his head back for affection. Jinki nibbled on his ear, neck, and shoulder as he slowly moved within him. He was close, so so fucking close. Jonghyun was whimpering with each movement, little-broken moans and rushed breaths. Jonghyun knew Jinki was once again close be the stutter in his precise thrusts, the protective grip of his hand on his thigh he was holding up, and the pressure forming each time Jinki moved to the hilt. Then he felt the warm, thick liquid being shot into him. With two more shallow thrusts Jinki slid to the hilt once more before stopping, his knot forming fully and making moving painful for Jonghyun.

             He pressed little kisses all over Jonghyun’s back and neck. Hand moved over his tummy, where there was a slight bulge from being filled over and over throughout the last day. Jonghyun hummed deeply as his eyes fluttered closed. Being so close to his alpha, being connected like this, made him warm and fuzzy all over. He fell asleep to Jinki whispering I love you and tucking a bunch of hair behind his ear. Warm. Safe.

             Surrounded by his home.

——-

             In the morning Jinki woke up first, but he had no intention of moving. He nuzzled against Jonghyun’s neck, breathing in his scent. A smile quirked on his lips at how the usual scent had shifted because of his own scent. Jonghyun began to gently wake up.  “Hey.. shh shh baby. Don’t move too much.” With a soft groan, Jonghyun mumbled something incoherent. He quietly chuckled and kissed the back of Jonghyun's neck. “I’m still inside you Baby.”

             “In…side?” Jonghyun’s soft, gravelly voice sounded.

             “Yeah, just one second beautiful.” Jonghyun sighed gently as Jinki slowly pulled out of him.

             The omega smacked his mouth as he shifted back to look at Jinki. His face scrunched up as he whined, “You’re dripping out of me.”

             With a breathy chuckle, Jinki pressed a kiss on his neck. “Then how does a trip to the springs to clean up sound?”

             “Mmm good, but legs are jelly.”

             Pride bloomed in Jinki’s chest for a moment before he was pushing up on his elbow and pecking his forehead. “Think your heat is over sweets?”

             “My mind is still a little foggy, but it’s passed.”

             “Well, you wait here then. I’ll be back with breakfast.”

             “Mmm breakfast,” Jonghyun mumbled after Jinki kissed his lips once and withdrew from the covers. Jinki beamed from the doorway before he disappeared to get the berries they picked a couple nights before.

——

             Jinki was leaving a note for anyone who came looking for either of them when Jonghyun walked behind him and wrapped his arms around his middle. “What are you doing?”

             “Can we stay here instead? I’m just too wobbly.” Jinki placed his hands on Jonghyun’s that were placed on his stomach. “We can go to the springs tomorrow.”

             After the note was finished he set it under a thick candle and gently turned in Jonghyun’s hold. He pressed a slow kiss to the shorter man’s lips and pulled away with a smile, “But we need to clean up remember?” He moved his hands to lay against Jonghyun’s lower back. “I’ll carry you.”

             Jonghyun snorted. “You’re going to carry me a mile into the mountains?”

             “I’ll carry you ten miles if it would make you happy.”

             “Why are you so sappy?” Jonghyun asked softly as he squinted up at his mate.

             Jinki hummed, “I’m like twenty percent love, forty percent handsome and the rest sap.”   

             “I think there should be a percentage of intelligent, and strong, and witty.” He mumbled as he looked up at Jinki.

             “Mmm.. True.” Jinki pressed another kiss to his lips before smiling, “The bag is by the door, hop on.”

             Jonghyun grumbled as he jumped up slightly after Jinki turned his back toward him. Warm hands caught the omega under his thighs with a soft chuckle. “Shut up.”

             "I’m shutting I’m shutting.” The bag was grabbed on the way out as Jonghyun nuzzled his cheek into Jinki’s upper back.

\---—–

             The warm stones crunched under Jinki’s feet as they made their way through the final archway leading into the hot springs. Jonghyun was softly set down on his feet just in front of the first pool. When a soft groan sounded from Jinki his mate stepped over concerned. “Just bones cracking into place. Get undressed Baby.”

             Jonghyun didn’t want to go from him even for a moment, but Jinki’s soft smile and gentle hand pushing his lower back made the worry lessen. He was slipping into the warm water of the hot springs when Jinki began to undress. There wasn’t anyone here this early in the morning. Not many people knew the way in which they came, so if they did go to the hot springs they would enter the public entrance on the other side. For all intensive purposes, they were alone. Jonghyun lowered so that the only part of his body out of the water was his head and he sighed deeply as the hot water seeped into his muscles. He squinted through the steam to find his mate and smiled all big when Jinki was stepping into the water finally. He leaned back against the stone of the cave with a sigh and gazed over at Jonghyun softly. Almost as if he was pulled to him, he was gently climbing into Jinki’s lap a moment later. The alpha’s hands were soft on his ass as a smile spread across his face. “Good morning beautiful.”

             With a hum, Jonghyun leaned forward to kiss him. “Your hair is doing the cute thing where it curls when it’s damp.”

             The chuckle was so gentle and quiet leaving his lips. “I can smell you.”

             “That’s not anything different,” Jonghyun mumbled as he slid a little further down the man’s thighs. “You have a very good nose.” He gently flicked the tip of Jinki’s nose with a smile.

             “That’s not what I meant,” Jinki’s voice was slightly muffled as he moved to kiss up Jonghyun’s neck and give his mark a gentle suck. “And you know it.”

             “Mmm stop that.” The request was weak though as his fingers curled around the hair at the base of Jinki’s neck. His eyes fluttered closed as the other kissed and sucked at his skin. “We’re supposed to be cleaning up not being dirty.”

             “Well,” Jinki stopped kissing his hot skin to raise his head and smile big at him. “It’s not getting dirty if we’re in the water. It’s like canceling out the dirting up process.”

             “That logic is not sound at all,” Jonghyun hummed then, “But I can’t seem to care.”

             “That’s what I like to hear.” Jonghyun’s giggling was stopped in his throat the moment Jinki’s fingers cut into his ass possessively. “You smell so much like me.”

             Jonghyun swallowed thickly as his mind turned to mush. “We just spent 36 hours only taking breaks for food. I’m full to the brim of you.”

             “Mmm, I think there’s a little bit more room for more.” Jinki lifted to kiss his lips, “That is if you want me to.” In answer, Jonghyun reached down to curl his fingers around Jinki’s semi between them. Jinki’s lips curved at the corners.

\--—-

             Jinki could sense someone was watching him. The knife handle on his boot was cool against his fingers as he shifted his hand down to the blade,  but when he looked up it wasn’t what he expected. His hand fell from the weapon and he went back to picking his tomatoes watching the cub from the corner of his eye. There was a little girl, more than half hidden by the corner of his home, and any time he looked up she flew behind the corner once again. He knew who she was, the chief’s daughter, and he knew she had the reputation of running away from her den mother. She was just a cub, 5 years old, all bright-eyed and innocent. He had been tending to Jonghyun and his garden. The tomatoes were ready to be picked and delivered to the many people who bought from them. With the drought recently the only way he could water their vegetables was if he agreed to share the produce. Which he didn’t mind. Usually, he sold them and traded them for certain things, but the drought had caused the community to band together to make sure everyone had what they needed. Jonghyun would have been kneeling right beside him, but he had his own duties at the nursery this morning and wouldn’t be back until early afternoon.

             “Little one, Have you ventured away from your den mother once again?” The little girl giggled, “I’m Jinki.”

             Her voice was soft as she said. “I’m Soyu.”

             With a smile, Jinki nodded. “You’re the chief’s daughter.”

             “His little one.” Her lip was between her teeth as she tried not to stare at him. “You an alpha?”

             Jinki’s was warm and soft as he nodded. “I used to protect your father.”

             “You smell … like I know you.” She mumbled and Jinki let out a soft chuckle. “It confuzzles me.”

             “Your father held you a lot when I was his protection.” Jinki stopped picking tomatoes and sat back on his heels. “You have a good nose to remember that.”

             She beamed so brightly at him, “Daddy says I’ll be the packs besttttt tracker ever when I’m big.”

             “You’ll whip those boys right into shape.” Her smile was small and sweet. “Would you like to help me pick tomatoes? I hear you really like them. You can fill you up a basket if you’d like.”

             She inched around the corner. “Really?”

             Jinki held up a little basket. “Of course.”

             She bound around the corner and was sitting on her knees a second later next to him, smiling up at him all happy. He handed her the basket and her tiny hands almost couldn’t hold the fruit he placed in them. She gently laid in in the basket and held her hands up for another one. With the extra help, Jinki managed to fill his baskets quickly. He was able to pick up his two large baskets easily, but when he reached to take hers she tugged it away from him. “It’s mine.”

             “You sure you can handle it?”

             “Oh yeah. I’m strong!”

             He chuckled, but let her handle it. He smiled when she curled her one hand in his pants fabric. She stayed by his side as he led her back home. The baskets were put on the ground and he raked his knuckles across the door. Her den mother opened the door and almost smothered him in kisses once she saw Soyu. He knelt down once he was released and smiled at the young girl, “If you ever need tomatoes, you know where to find me little one. Just bring your den mother next time.”

             He grabbed his baskets and started to make his rounds. He just finished dropping off his second house when he heard his name. He turned to drop his baskets just in time to catch his jumping bean of a mate. With a chuckle, he pressed a kiss to his lips. “Well hello.”

             Jonghyun beamed. “Hi.” Another kiss, “How goes the tomatoes?”

             “Pretty good for the two homes I’ve been to until I got a very attractive omega thrown at me.” Jonghyun’s cheeks turned pink before Jinki asked, “So why are you in my arms?”

             “I just got back from the sick hut.” Jinki perked up and Jonghyun dipped his head to nuzzle against his alpha’s neck. “I’m carrying your cub Baby.”

             The tomatoes were forgotten as Jinki held his mate and smiled wide as he pressed his nose into Jonghyun’s neck.

-——

             Jinki giggled against the back of Jonghyun’s neck as he ran his hand over his tummy. “Why are you a giggle fest Baby?”

             “Because I’m going to be a daddy.” Jinki brushed his nose along Jonghyun’s neck, “Because my pretty little mate is carrying my cub.”

             With a soft smile on his face, Jonghyun moved his hand down to curl his fingers around Jinki’s on his stomach. His voice was quiet in the early morning light coming through their window. “It could be twins you know. The medicine woman told me I was showing a lot quicker than I should.”

             Jinki gave a happy little hum, “Twins.” A giggle bubbled up, “More cubs the better remember.”

             Jonghyun snorted, “I’m small. I can’t handle much more than two.”

             “You don’t have to have them all at once silly.” Jinki chuckled as he gently turned Jonghyun onto his back. He ran his hand over Jonghyun’s jaw with a smile. “I’m the luckiest wolf in the world.”

             “Because of me?” Jonghyun asked with wide eyes, tongue popping out to run over his lips.

             “Of course because of you.” Jinki pecked his lips quickly, but he was kissing him again a second later. The kisses deepened as he carefully moved over Jonghyun, careful of his baby bump. Jonghyun’s fingers pushed into his hair, curling around the dark strands and tugging him closer. He groaned against Jinki’s plush lips as the alpha pulled his shirt up from his waist, warm digits grazing his skin up his side as the garment was removed. He growled softly against Jonghyun’s lips when he pulled away just far enough to tug the shirt from his body. “I love you.”

             Jonghyun turned his head to expose his neck and their mating mark, and Jinki brushed his nose over the slightly raised skin. As his lips pressed against it, and he opened his mouth to nip at the skin as Jonghyun whispered, “I love you too.” His fingers curled in Jinki’s hair as his teeth sank into his skin.

 ——-

             The usual evening bonfire was burning high into the sky. The moon was just a sliver of light in the dark sky, but the fire gave enough light to see around the village. Jonghyun was sitting between Jinki’s spread legs, back against his chest and warm from the blanket and the alpha’s arms wrapped around him. The fire helped with his warmth, but it didn’t have the same calming effect as Jinki did. There were cubs of all sizes and ages running around between the people and wolves sitting around the fire. They watched them run with fond eyes, thoughts turning to their own little cub growing inside Jonghyun. His fingers curled around Jinki’s on his stomach and twisted his head a little to be able to look at his face in the flickering light of the fire. “Do you think our cub will be healthy?”

             Jinki’s chest rumbled with his hum, “What makes you ask that? Is something wrong?”

             “No no no, nothing’s wrong.” Jonghyun sighed, wiggling a little before settling again. “I just want to be sitting here looking at our cub running around laughing in the coming years and so many things can happen.”

             With a soft kiss to his temple Jinki answered his question, “At the last checkup they told us you were healthy and progressing wonderfully. There’s no reason to worry or think our baby won’t be healthy when it’s born. Besides, I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

             Jonghyun grumbled, “I just worry a lot okay.”

             “And I love you with it too.” He nuzzled against his neck. “You keep me from doing stupid things.”

             “Not all stupid things.”

             Jinki chuckled and nibbled on his ear. “I keep life interesting. What can I say?”

             Jonghyun’s voice was quiet and small as he answered, “You can tell me you’ll love this baby and I no matter what happens. You can tell me you’ll always be here even if the baby isn’t healthy.”

             “One thing you never have to worry about, is me leaving you.” Jonghyun gazed at the flames dancing into the sky as Jinki’s lips pressed against his neck. The mating mark tingled. “We’re more than a chemical bond.”

             “I know.” Jonghyun softly smiled as his eyes fluttered closed. “I know. Thank you for reminding me.”

             “Always.”

——–

             The sun had been just beginning to rise when Jinki had left for his rounds duty. Jonghyun had been asleep soundly curled around his pillow, and after kissing his cheek the alpha had grabbed his bow and made it on his way. He and Kibum had come to an understanding at the end of their last rounds that he would take a weapon next time. Not that Jinki minded in the least bit. It was nice to have the familiar weight of the bow in his hands as the wolf walked beside him. He enjoyed rounds. The soft morning glow through the trees, the cool breeze blowing through their branches, and the sweet smell of incoming fall. That being said he couldn’t wait for his two hours to be over. He wanted to be home when Jonghyun woke up to help with the morning sickness he unfortunately still had before having to go hunting. He had a number to reach before sundown. Jonghyun really wanted more wool for the baby’s quilt. More kills meant more wool he could trade it for.

             As quietly as he could he opened the front door and went to hang up his bow. His boots were kicked off by the door and he cursed the squeakiness of the wood under the rug as he moved to go change. He smelled of the forest and the buck they found on the way they killed. That wouldn’t help Jonghyun at all. The smell of blood made him even more queasy. He was slipping off his pants when he heard the soft pitter patters of Jonghyun’s bare feet on the floor. “Jinki?”

             “I’m in here baby.” Jonghyun appeared from the hallway all wrapped up in his blanket. His hair was messed up with sleep, eyes still half closed, and his smile was so soft. “I’m sorry I ran late. We shot a buck and I didn’t want to smell like it when I returned to bed.”

             Jonghyun didn’t say another thing as he shuffled over and pressed against him. His arms came up to wrap around Jinki as he nuzzled his cheek into his bare chest. It was then he mumbled, “I woke up without you and I had to find a bucket.”

             Jinki frowned as he curled around him. “I’m sorry Love. Is it getting better now?”

             He looked up with a soft smile, “Yeah, bare skin always helps.” Jinki snorted.

             “Let’s get you back into bed sleepy.” 

-—— 

             Jonghyun pushed forward against his lips even with Jinki’s attempts to make him stop. With a pout, he finally sat up fully, “I don’t want you to go.”

             Jinki’s hands were firm on his hips as he smiled, “I don’t want to either, but it’s apart of my job in the pack.”

             The omega grumbled, eyes lowering and hands pushing into Jinki’s tummy as he leaned on them. “Can’t you go in like an hour?”

             “That’s an hour of potential kills I’m missing out on.” Jinki carefully sat up from the pillows under his head and wrapped his arms around his mate. He brushed their noses together with a loving smile. “I’ll be back in a couple hours okay? Just in time to go to the bonfire to have dinner.”

             "Okay.” There was still a frown on Jonghyun’s face and Jinki couldn’t have that.

             He cupped his chin and pecked his lips. “Don’t frown beautiful. You’ll have me back soon.”

             “I know.” Jonghyun hummed. “Do we have any berries left?”

             With a laugh Jinki’s hand grazed his abdomen. His palm was warm against the other as he flattened it. “If you need more they’re growing right outside. Hopefully, our cub takes it easy on you today so you can enjoy your day off.”

             “Mm, probably not.” Jonghyun slipped from his lap and bloomed when he was kissed again.

             “There’s bread on the counter if it’ll help you enjoy it better.” Jinki softly told him as he slipped on his shirt. The omega was up and out of the room a moment later. Jinki followed shortly after shaking his head and chuckling softly. He softly kissed Jonghyun’s forehead as he ate a piece and left with a call out I love you before he closed the door behind him.

——-

             Jinki had his bow drawn, aim perfect for the doe fifty feet away. With the drought experienced across the neighboring packs and villages hunting had been sparse. He didn’t want to miss this shot. It was the first doe he had seen in the last week and a half, and he was getting tired of bringing rabbits and squirrels home for his mate to skin for him. There was only so much of that meat he could take. His tongue and taste buds missed the richness of doe meat. Many alphas and betas who hunted did so in their wolf forms, but Jinki had been taught how to shoot from his human grandmother who had adopted his mother when she was abandoned. He found that killing animals with an arrow compared to teeth and claws made more meat cook-able and a less messy ordeal in general. He was just about to let the arrow fly when the sound of running animal startled the doe and she dashed off out of his line of sight.

             He growled as his weapon was lowered and he turned toward the animal he knew was on the hilltop behind him. He knew that it wasn’t a full-blooded animal, and a second later there was a teenager standing in the animal’s place. He recognized the boy as Tao, son the guard’s captain and an up and coming scout. “What is so important from the village that you had to mess up my dinner plans?” The boy flinched from his stern voice, but Jinki could tell it wasn’t how he reacted that had the poor cub looking so frazzled. “What’s wrong?”

             “My father sent me because I am the fastest sir.”

             “Why did he feel he must send his fasted scout?” Jinki asked quickly as he took a step toward him.

             “There’s a fire at your cottage and with the drought, we are ordered to not try and stop it.” Tao took a deep breath, hands fidgeting in front of him.

             “Then Cub, why are you panicked?”

             Tao swallowed, eyes blown wide, “Your mate is still inside sir.” Jinki dropped his weapon and shifted half up the hill, flying past Tao a second later. The young cub wasn’t the only quick one.

             When he made it to the village’s boundary he could see the smoke rising into the mid-afternoon sky. His cottage was by the far river, but with the lack of rain, the location wouldn’t have any benefit. When he got closer to the house he had to push his way through the crowd of people gathered. He shifted into his human form, cursing everyone just standing there as his mate was still caught in the flames. He didn’t listen to the guard, Tao’s father, as the man tried to grab him and prevent him from entering the cottage. He pulled away from the grip and sprinted up his porch steps. No one was going to prevent him from protecting his home.

             He shouldered the front door open and almost immediately the smoke rushed to engulf him. He pulled his tunic over his mouth and nose, and using his improved sense of the wolf within him he worked to find his way through the smoke to Jonghyun. Flames were starting to flick against his ankles, but he was focusing on the bond and scent of his mate that the pain became a distant memory. The scent and bond tethering them together were faint, but before that could worry him a beam from the ceiling began to fall more, giving way to the damage done to it. It was stopped by fallen debris before it could smash against him. He jumped over fallen debris, wiggled through two huge pieces of wood and pulled himself through on his stomach to what he recognized as what was left of their bedroom. There was another large beam in the middle of the room, and Jinki’s heart lurched when he noticed Jonghyun curled up under it. He stepped over Jonghyun’s head and curled his fingers under the thick piece of wood, and with a grunt, he tossed it far enough away from the omega’s small form. When he noticed how he was laying his heart ached. Jonghyun was protecting their little cub by keeping pressure off his stomach. He scooped him up and looked around the room for a way out. He knew he couldn’t go the way he came, for the flames had grown and there was no way Jonghyun could be pulled through the obscules he maneuvered through to get to him in the first place, but he had to get out soon. The smoke was getting way too thick now and breathing was getting more difficult. His eyes landed on the window, burnt curtains blowing in the wind as smoke blew from the opening. His eyes were burning from the smoke, but he held Jonghyun’s head close to his neck and made his way over to the window. He jumped out quickly, legs giving out at impact, but he curled to make sure he took the force of the blow and Jonghyun landed on him.

             People rushed to him, but with his throat raw with smoke he croaked, “Him. Him first.” Tao’s father moved to pick Jonghyun up, but Jinki grabbed his wrist. “He’s with child.” The guard captain seemed to understand and when he moved to pick the omega up, he made sure no pressure was made to his middle. Jinki let his head thunk against the ground and his eyes to flutter closed. The burns were throbbing and searing something terrible, but his heart hurt worst of all. Full of worry over the strong bond he could no longer feel between them.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fire took much more than just their home.

             Warm, white ointment was spread on his burns and a cup of mashed berries was handed to him as he was treated. He had been carried to the sick hut shortly after he lost consciousness. The burns were almost completely healed and everything in him wanted to find Jonghyun, and see if he was okay. The kind nurse treating his wounds told him his mate was still unconscious, but that the baby was just fine. It was enough to keep him content drinking his berries mixture and letting his body with the help of the ointment heal his burns. He would be no help to Jonghyun looming over him. He could worry just fine across the hut.

             The nurse was a young beta, just out of their training. He smiled big and patted Jinki’s hand, “They’re very optimistic about your mates condition.”

             Jinki gave a small smile, “Thank you.”

             "He’ll wake up in no time.”

             Just as the wolf was about to leave Jinki called out, “The baby… the heart beat… was it strong?”

             The smile on the beta’s face was warm, “They were really strong.”

             Jinki’s eyes widened and he swallowed thickly. “They?”

             With a soft chuckle he was told, “There were two other than your mate’s. All were healthy.”

             “Thank you.” Jinki breathed out. “Thank the gods.”

\-----

             The floor was cool under his bare feet as he carefully walked through the halls toward where he knew Jonghyun to be. He smiled and bowed his head to people he passed. When he saw the brown curtains of the room his heart felt heavy. With a deep breath, he slowly pushed the fabric open and stepped through. There was a window to the right of him, a chair and a small table to the left, and the bed across the room against the wall. Jonghyun looked as if he was sleeping, but the remaining burn marks kept that idea from sticking too long. With hesitant steps, Jinki made his way to the small cot to sit on the edge and place one hand flat against Jonghyun’s stomach and the other pushing his hair back. “You’re having twins Jonghyun,”

             A smile was on his face as he moved his hand under the loose tunic the man was in and softly moved his thumb over the warm skin. “Two beautiful cubs Love.” His voice dipped with sadness then, “I just wish we had found out together… in better circumstances.”

             With a sigh, he leaned down to press a long kiss to Jonghyun’s forehead. “You have to wake up Babe. We need to start on another blanket now.”

             He stayed there at his side gently pushing his hair back with a fond smile on his face until the moon rose in the sky. Then he kissed Jonghyun’s forehead once more and shifted to curl under the cot, his nose out from under the hanging fabric of the sheet. His tail swished against the wood of the floors as he relaxed, focusing on Jonghyun’s heart beat, and the two soft ones of their cubs.

\-----

             Before the sun rose Jinki wiggled from under the cot, shifted to kiss his mate goodbye and then rushed out of the sick hut to get to the southern guard tower. He wouldn’t miss his duties. His superior would probably understand, but he was no help to Jonghyun sitting in that room waiting. He would probably just cause the omega more stress as it was. Everyone seemed surprised to see him, but he flashed a smile and went to get a new bow. His other one was somewhere in the forest and he was in no mood to go find it right then. He knew whose hand was on his shoulder even before the person spoke. “What are you doing here?”

             Jinki glanced back at Kibum before checking the quiver of arrows between his knees. “Did you want a different patrol partner or something? This is my morning duty.”

             Kibum glared at him. “You know what I meant Jinki. You’re probably the best hunter here and I’m lucky to have you covering me, but your mate is unconscious. I know how much Jonghyun means to you. You two are one of the few bonds created on love. You should be with him. Sehun is my partner today.”

             “Sehun couldn’t hit the broadside of a house.” Jinki softly said as he shouldered the quiver and stood up. “I’m not going to allow you to go out there hunting with a wolf who didn’t pass his marks.”

             Kibum softened, “I feel oddly cared for.”

             “You should.” Jinki nudged his shoulder, “I can always not go and wait here for when you need an arrow pulled from your ass cheek.”

             With a groan, Kibum followed.

\-----

             He was just passing the center of the village where the bonfire would be lit later on that night when he felt a soft tug on his pants. When he looked down there was little Soyu, hair up in pigtails and a big smile on her face. In her small hand was a tomato. As she held it up for him she softly said, “Until you can grow more.”

             He kneeled down to her height and she pressed a kiss to his cheek before running off with her den mother. Jinki swallowed thickly as he curled his fingers softly around the fruit. He held it gently between his palms as he made his way toward the sick hut. On the way was what remained of their home. The stone foundation him and Jonghyun worked so hard on was the only thing left, and even it wasn’t as it was before. Big scorch marks covered the once pale surface. Burnt wood and ash that hadn’t been swept away lingering across the plot of land that used to be their home. He sighed before lowering his head and continuing on his way.

             When he stepped through the open door of the sick hut he could sense something was wrong almost immediately. A nurse almost knocked him over rushing through the wide hallway that went all the way around the hut. With his eyebrows furrowed he headed toward Jonghyun’s room, and it was then he realized he was going in the same direction as the panicked nurse. His footsteps picked up in pace until he was pushing through the curtains of his mate’s room.

             There were two betas holding Jonghyun’s arms down, as he fought with everything in him to get away. A nurse was mashing a substance over to the side, and with the help of two nurses holding Jonghyun’s head still, the substance was poured into his mouth. A few moments later his resistance lessened, and his limbs fell to the bed next to him. The betas tightened two restraints on his wrists before leaving the room. Jinki wanted to go to Jonghyun, to figure out what was wrong, but the Alpha who ran the hut stepped into the room and grabbed his arms. “Now is not the time.”

             “What do you mean?!” Jinki struggled to get away, but when he almost did another pair of hand gripped him. “He’s my mate! He needs me. Why are you restraining him?!”

             “He tried to attack your cubs!” The words caused him to freeze and slowly turn to look at the other wolf.

             “What?” The word was soft and full of pain.

             “He woke up, disoriented, and then there was movement and he… He tried to claw them out. It’s why we were restraining him when you came in.”

             “No.. no.” Jinki panted out, “My Jonghyunie.. He wouldn’t... He wanted them too.”

             “I don’t think he’s the Jonghyun you mated anymore. Something happened in that fire. I’m just not exactly sure what yet.”

             The two pairs of hands fell from him as he dropped to his knees, head held in his hands as he fought the urge to scream.

\-----

             Jinki wasn't sure what to expect when he pushed through those curtains, but he knew it wouldn’t be the happy reunion he was hoping for. If Jonghyun didn’t know he was pregnant if he didn’t want the cubs, he wasn’t the omega he fell in love with. Jinki took a deep breath and pushed through the fabric. Jonghyun was awake, but his arms were still bound to his sides on the bed, head back against a pillow and eyes closed. They snapped open the moment he stepped into the room. Narrowing into little icy daggers. "Who are you?"             

             The words cut deeper than his eyes. "I'm Jinki.. I'm your mate."

             "I'm not mated."

              Jinki swallowed thickly, trying to keep his emotions down. "Lift your fingers to the right side of your neck, just below your ear. The raised skin is my mark... our mark."

             Jonghyun gasped when his fingers softly grazed the raised skin, "I.. I don't remember you."

             "I know you don’t.”

             “Why don’t I remember you?”

             “There… there was a fire in our home when I was out hunting. I got you out,” He took a breath before continuing, “But it wasn’t before you got hurt.”

              "So this.. pregnancy... it was wanted?"

              "Yes." Jinki wanted to rush forward and touch him, but he knew that wouldn't do anything. "You wanted to carry my child, wanted to bloom with it. I gave it to you."

             "I don't... it all.... I can't." Jonghyun's head was thrown back against the pillow, face scrunched up, arms pulling at the restraints and howl of pain leaving his lips. Jinki scrambled away, scared of what was happening. "It hurts. Trying to remember it hurts." The omega growled. Jinki rushed out of the room, back pressed against the wall as healers rushed in to help Jonghyun. He slid down the wall and hugged his legs to his chest as the realization set in. His beloved didn't remember him, and worse off it hurt to try to. It was one thing for someone else to tell him Jonghyun didn’t remember him, but another to witness it himself. It was set in stone. He could deny what he saw himself.

\-----

             Jinki could see inside the room by the space between where the curtains ended and the floor. He had shifted shortly after the howling inside the room had stopped. His tail swished against the floorboards as he watched Jonghyun sleep. He could tell it was uncomfortable and he told himself he would work on getting those bands removed. His mate wasn’t a prisoner. He shouldn’t be restrained.

             He pushed off the floor and slowly moved into the room. His claws tapped on the wood floor quietly as he moved closer to the bed. Jonghyun’s hand was softly nudged with his snout. The man’s nose scrunched up and his head shifted. Jinki’s eyes lowered to the bump shown even under the thick blanket he was given. Having cubs was supposed to be one of the happiest times of their lives. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. When Jonghyun’s hand twitched against him Jinki withdrew. His ears were back, down on his fur. His head was lowered and his tail wasn’t moving from side to side as he turned a couple times to find a comfy spot on the floor to sleep. He wanted to curl up next to his home, but watching over it would have to do.

\------

             When he woke up in the morning the first thing he did was find the Alpha in charge. Jonghyun wasn't a prisoner and he wouldn't be restrained. Underneath it all Jinki fully believed Jonghyun was the same wolf morally and put the actions prior to being scared and out of it. He found the wolf in the supply area in the center of the circular building. “You're the mate of omega harmed in the house fire, correct?”

             “Yes.”

             “Is there something I can help you with?” He softly asked, returning to flipping through the contents of the basket in his hands. “There's been no change in your mate.”

             “I know, I just left him.” Jinki ran his tongue over his lips, “I was wondering if you could take the restraints away.”

             “I highly advise they be kept on until we know more about his memory and condition.”

             Jinki frowned, “He was scared when he woke up and attacked the cubs. He won't do it again. I know he wouldn't.”

             “You need to realize that he doesn't know you,” The wolf set the basket down and turned to him, “I get, for you, he's your mate, but to him, you're just this Unknown alpha who claims to own him in some way. He's not the omega you know. He's what he would be if he never knew you.”

             “If he’s not out of those restraints when I return from my morning duties,” Jinki calmly stated a moment later. “I’ll undo them myself.”

             The doctor pressed his lips together before Jinki took his leave. He thought of going to check on Jonghyun, but he didn’t want to cause him any more pain if he was awake by chance. He headed toward where he needed to meet Kibum for their guard duty. He took the long way to make sure he avoided passing where their home used to be. It added 10 minutes onto his walk, but he didn’t want to be reminded. Kibum was leaning against the back of the tower. In his hand were Jinki’s bow and quiver. He flashed a smile, “Figured you’d want to bypass all the people. They keep asking me how you’re doing.”

             “Thanks,” He flashed a tiny smile as he took the weapon.

             As they moved to walk down the path Kibum softly asked, “How are you doing Jinki?”

             “Jonghyun woke up,” And before Kibum could reply Jinki sadly finished, “He doesn't remember me, though.”

             “Jinki…” Kibum reached to curl his fingers around his friend’s shoulder and pull him to a stop. “I’m so sorry.”

             “It’s okay,” Jinki tried to make his smile seem genuine, “Jonghyun will remember me, I just have to give him time.”

             Kibum softly hummed, “If you need anything, just let me know. You can even crash at my place if staying on the floor under Jonghyun’s bed gets too uncomfortable.”

             “Thanks Kibum.” This time when he smiled he meant it. When they began to move again, eyes scanning the woods just in case there was game Jinki offhandedly said, “Jonghyun’s having twins.”

             “Twins?”

             “Yeah,” Jinki laughed softly, fingers running through his hair. “The medics heard 2 other heartbeats besides Jonghyun’s, and that’s how I found out. I just wish Jonghyun… was okay when we found out.” The conversation ended abruptly when Kibum heard movement to the right of them. Jinki pulled the bow taut and aimed around the tree as Kibum shifted a moment later and crouched. After the being came into sight Jinki sighed, “False alarm. It’s just a yak out of it’s pen.”

             When Kibum shifted back he rolled his shoulders until the joints cracked into place. “I guess we should take it back.”

             “Yeah, Sehun and Jongin have the south section, and they might not be as collected and shoot the poor thing.” When Jinki finally got the rope around the yak’s neck, he smiled up at Kibum, “All good.”

             Every so often they had to stop to pull the animal away from random patches of wildflowers, but when they saw the outline of buildings Kibum hesitantly asked, “Was there anything salvageable from the fire?”

             Jinki shook his head, “It’s all gone.”

             “When you’re ready to start building your life again, just know you have another pair of hands to help you.”

             “I really don’t deserve a partner like you.”

             “You don’t, but it’s good that you know that.” Jinki snorted as the other alpha laughed at his own joke.

 


	3. Chapter 3

          Jinki was gently adjusting the wildflowers in the clay pot on the table by the window when the voice behind him startled him, The flower in his hand fluttered onto the table as he rushed to turn around to see Jonghyun smiling as he repeated himself, “Are those for me?”

           “Uh yeah-” Jinki swallowed the lump in his throat and gave a nervous smile, “You used to like when I brought them I thought -”

           “They’re very pretty thank you.” Jonghyun softly smiles, big robe around his frame and hair damp.

           “I was told you were bathing and I was just going to finish it and leave.” Jinki fidgeted with the flower petals, “I apologize for intruding.”

           “Hey, wait,” Jonghyun was smiling when Jinki looked up at him, “I may not remember you, but… these are your cubs too. Stay.”

           “I didn’t want to cause you more pain.”

           Jonghyun shuffled over to the bed and carefully climbed up into it. He brought his legs up and laid his hands in his lap. “You ordered the restraints off, didn’t you?”

           “Yes.”

           “There’s something about you, your scent specifically that makes me feel safe and warm. Like some would say a home would.” Jonghyun let out a little laugh before he looked up from his hands. “I probably sound stupid. Comparing you to a damn house.”

           “It’s not the first time you’ve said that,” Jinki’s smile was gentle and warm, “You always said our house wasn’t a home unless I was there.” There were a few moments before Jinki softly asked, “How’s the nausea?”

           “Ah, better now.” Jonghyun rose an eyebrow, “Does that have something to do with you?”

           “Yeah,” Jinki smiled sheepishly.

           Jinki turned and placed the flower back into the pot. He was touching the petals, nervous about crossing too many lines at once and pushing Jonghyun further than he needed to, when he heard the wolf softly talking, “Thank you for taking the binds off. I know I didn’t deserve it, not after what I did to…. The cubs. I am so sorry I attacked them.”

           His eyes fluttered closed as he took a couple deep breaths before he gathered his thoughts and spoke, “It’s okay. You didn’t remember being pregnant. It was thrown upon you in a state of shock and I can’t blame you for that. You may not remember me, or us, but I’ll always protect you. I couldn’t allow you to stay bound like some prisoner.” He shook his head, emotions getting the better of him. He took a deep breath and turned around with a smile, “ I don’t want to push you Jonghyun.  You don’t know me. You don’t know those cubs. I don’t expect... You to want to stay after they’re born.”

           Jonghyun gazed at him as his eyes widened, “Wouldn’t that hurt you?”

           “I don’t want to force you to live a life with me you no longer remember you wanted. I love you far more to allow that to happen. If you want to leave me after this, I’ll support your decision.”  Jinki gave a smile before running his hands through his hair, “I picked up another round of patrol tonight. I don’t want to be late.”

           Jinki was almost to the door when Jonghyun asked him hesitantly, “You’ll come back tonight right?”

           “Do you want me to?”

           “I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days.” He could see the omega taking a deep breath before he said, “I want to remember you. If you want to help me remember it all.” There was a smile on his face as he placed his hands on his tummy. “I feel connected to these cubs.. I want to feel the want I had when we made them. I understand if it’s too much for you to do so.”

           Before his emotions got the better of him, Jinki smiled, “I’ll try my best Jonghyun. See you later.”

           He felt like he couldn’t breathe as walked through the halls toward the door. It was a little spark of hope in the murky waters.

\-----

           When he was returning the moon was high in the sky, clouds moving across the surface, and a cool breeze blowing through the village. The bonfire was ablaze in the center of the town and most people were enjoying it with their family and friends. He could see the smoke rising above the homes and shops from his path. There were two betas sitting at the front desk. They nodded their head as he passed them and headed down the hallway toward Jonghyun. He knocked on the doorframe before slowly pushing the curtain open. Jonghyun was sitting up on the bed, back against the mound of pillows he managed to stack in the middle of the mattress. His hair was falling from the small ponytail he had on the top of his head. There were a few candles around the room lit, and in his lap was a book. “Hey~ I wasn’t sure if you were going to the mm bonfire? Yeah bonfire everyone went to.”

           “Are you hungry?” Jinki lifted up the basket Kibum lent him, “My scouting partner prepared us something to eat.”

           “Food?” Jonghyun’s stomach grumbled and Jinki laughed as the man blushed embarrassed.

           “I’m not quite sure about the quality of the sick hut food,” Jinki laid the basket on the table by the window and lifted out the bread and jam. “It’s not much, but you used to love blackberry jam.”

           “Thank you,” Jonghyun bowed his head softly as he took the piece of bread. He groaned as the rich, sweet taste of the jam exploded across his tongue. “It’s so good.”

           Jinki chuckled as he handed over a glass bottle of milk and gently asked, “Can I sit on the bed with you?”

           “Yes,”  He climbed up carefully and they ate their bread and berries. After a moment Jonghyun softly said, “Thank you.”

           “You’re very welcome.” Jinki wiped his mouth with the cloth before laying it near his plate again. “I figured we could eat and then I could tell you about us, our past if you feel up to it.”

           “That sounds great.”

           “Where did you want to start?”

           “How we met I guess.”

           “Ah,”  Jinki chuckled softly as his gaze fell to his lap. “As children, my mothers were the villages medicine women. It was before the hut as built.  We always had visitors over our home wanting to talk to them,  bringing concerns, and one day your fathers came in with you, concerned you were too small and that something was wrong with you health-wise causing it. While they talked I was told to play with you. I was small for my age too, especially with how I was told I was going to mature into an Alpha. You played with me in a way you hadn’t in a while apparently and when your fathers came to get the medicine, you played with me and over time we became the best of friends.”

           “And when did we …”

           “Start dating?” Jonghyun’s cheeks were slightly pink as he nodded and Jinki laughed quietly, “We were 16, I had shown signs of being an alpha and you hadn’t shown any signs of which you’d be yet. We were outside my house by the river and you were talking about how worried you were about not maturing ever and not having a place and I said something cheesy like you’d always have a place by my side and you kissed me when I walked you home that night. It was history after that. I asked you to become my mate when you turned 21. We went through the ceremony the following November.”

           “We dated six years before you wanted to mate with me?”

           Jinki laughed nervously, “I wanted to give you a home before I asked you to become my mate. It took me three years to build our home.. Or what used to be our home.”

           “Did they... Ever find out what caused the fire?”

           With a deep sigh Jinki’s body sagged, “Not really. They figured it was just the extreme dryness of the house that with the sun beating down it just... Went up into flames.”

           “Do they hurt?”

           “Huh?” Jinki’s brow furrowed in confusion.

           Jonghyun pointed at the burns peeking out from the end of his pants and the ones on the underside of his arms. “Do the burns hurt?”

           “A little.” Jinki frowned, “They mostly itch, however.”

           Jinki froze as Jonghyun’s hand covered his and squeezed. “Thank you for saving me.”

           “You’re my mate.” Jonghyun could feel the man’s love through his eyes with how he was looking at him as he continued, “I’d have run a dozen miles to get to you if you needed me. I just wish I had gotten there sooner.. Hadn’t gone on that hunt.”

             “Don’t beat yourself up for what happened to me Jinki,” Jonghyun shifted slowly to face him completely. “I’m here, alive, because of you. I’d have died in that fire without you.” He pushed off the bed and pressed a kiss softly to Jinki’s cheek. He froze as Jonghyun kissed him and only could breathe when he pulled away.

           His heart still felt like it was in his throat as he went to get more bread and jam for them. Once it was finished and they were cleaned up, he helped Jonghyun get the pillows where he wanted them for bed. Jinki cleaned up the basket and laid it on the table before walking towards the door. “You can sleep in here.. You don’t have to hide in the hallway.”

           Jinki blushed, fingers running through his hair, “I thought you wouldn’t notice me.”

           “You have a distinct scent Jinki,” Jonghyun laid his head on his arm after putting his hand under his pillow, wiggling a little to get comfy and gaze over at the other man. He watched Jinki shift and his breath stopped for a moment at how beautiful he was in his wolf form. Tall at the shoulders, long bright hair, and beautiful full of life eyes. His tail swished against the floor as he slowly got comfortable just inside the door. “Goodnight Jinki.”  Jinki yipped and Jonghyun smiled.

\-----

           When he woke up Jinki was gone. His nose wrinkled at the unpleasant taste in his mouth and the uneasiness in his chest. He squinted around the room for the bucket and found it just under his bed. He grabbed it quickly just as the urge ran through him. He groaned as he wiped his mouth and frowned down at his belly. “You’re not gonna make the next six or so months pleasant are you?”

           He got up to rinse his mouth out and wash his face before the nurse came in with breakfast and to check how he was doing. He hoped it wasn’t that gross oatmeal that they gave him the morning before. That made him want to puke more. Once his face was patted dry he propped himself up with pillows and waited for his nurse. It was then he noticed the quickly sketched note on the table. He shuffled over and picked it up carefully, _I talked to the doctor. There’s a courtyard full of gardens you can go explore to the right just outside your room. In case you get bored with your room ~ Jinki_

           “Breakfast, are you decent?”

           “Yes, come on in.” He folded the note and placed it under the pot of flowers Jinki brought him, smiling at his nurse as he made his way back to the bed. He smiled wider at the lack of oatmeal on the tray. Maybe after breakfast, he’d go investigate those gardens.

\----

           Jinki sighed deeply as he kicked the burnt debris that used to be his front door. He had to clean it up if he was ever going to rebuild, but just the sight of it made him fill with dread and sadness. His entire life went up in smoke. All the things he built with Jonghyun, the baby things they had already, and the memories made all burnt to ash. He stood there looking over the debris for a long moment before making his way into it. He lifted up burnt ceiling beams to see if he missed anything the first time through. He found a small teacup with a little crack around the rim, but he scooped it up and wrapped it with a cloth before putting it in his bag. He didn’t find much as he moved through the rest of the debris until he saw a speck of blue. After moving what looked like to be the remains of a rocking chair sitting there was the finished baby blanket. A little dirty, but there weren’t any burnt parts. His eyes were glossy as he crouched down and gently lifted it from the rubble. He held it to his chest for a moment before putting it in his bag. It would have to be cleaned thoroughly, but if he could have saved one thing in the fire he would have chosen that. Jonghyun had been so excited when Jinki brought the yarn home for him to knit with.

           He had a few more rooms to look at before heading back to have dinner with Jonghyun. He didn’t have too many hopes, but then again, he didn’t think he’d find anything when he started and he had already found the most precious thing he could have. Maybe he’d find more.

\-----

           “I am so happy you’re here,” Jonghyun whined. Jinki found him sprawled out on the bed, face on the edge over a bucket. Jinki laid his bag on the floor and frowned over at him.

           “What a way to greet someone,” Jinki looked over him quickly, “What’s wrong?”

           “The nausea has been so bad today,” Jonghyun pouted deeply, “You make it go away. Like poof. Magic.”

           He smiled softly, “Is it getting better?”

           With a sniffle, he mumbled, “Yes.”

           Jinki walked over and slid down the front of the bed, leaning back against the side of the mattress. He opened up his journal he kept in the big pocket of his cargo pants and began to write little things. “I’ll be here all night.”

           “Thank you,” Jonghyun whispered. Jinki heard him shifting against the sheets and when he looked behind him Jonghyun was curled a little more to bring his nose closer to him. He chuckled softly and went back to writing. “Maybe tomorrow you’ll want to accompany me to the gardens. Maybe then I’ll be able to enjoy them fully.”

           “Sound’s great Jonghyun.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

         As he turned the corner into his room he was cautious and a little nervous. The nurses had told him he had a visitor waiting in his room for him. They didn’t tell him who it was, so he knew it not to be Jinki. The uneasiness in his chest evaporated as soon as he saw the tall, mop full of hair. “Ming!”

         Minho had just enough time to turn around and open his arms before Jonghyun was against him. He quickly reciprocated the embrace, leaning his chin on the top of Jonghyun’s head. “It’s so good to see you.”

         “You’re huge.”

         “I am 28 Jonghyun.” Minho softly laughed. “I grew a lot around 15 or so.”

         “Oh.. right.” Jonghyun hummed sadly before asking, “What are you doing here?”

         “Ah,” Minho pulled away gently, smiling sweetly. “Jinki sent word to me once you were awake, to tell me you were hurt. I thought you’d like a familiar face.”

         Jonghyun’s expression fell even more. “So you know I don’t remember him?”

        “Yes.” Minho hummed, “They aren’t sure how far back you remember. I’m glad you didn’t forget me too.”

         You’ve been a pest in my side since your birth.” Jonghyun gently nudged him.

         “Why don’t we sit down?” Minho was smiling so sweetly watching him wiggle up onto the bed, crossing his legs to get comfy and bringing a pillow to hug over his lap. “How ya feeling?”

         “Nauseous, a little aching, frustrated.” Jonghyun signed, gaze staring at his hands. “Confused.”

         “Confused about what?”

         “What I can believe.” Jonghyun bit his lip, grip tighter on the pillow.

         “You trust me, don’t you?”

         Jonghyun’s head whipped up so quickly, “Of course I do.”

         “Than, ask me anything. Maybe I can help.”

         For a moment the only sounds were the breeze outside and the sounds of people moving past the curtains of his room. Then he softly asked, “Is it true? Jinki and all that.”

         Minho takes his appearance in, eyes sad as he smiles. “That you’re mated and wanted all this?”

         When Jonghyun nods his head his hair bobs with it, a little too fluffy from his missed haircut the morning of the accident. “Yeah.”

         “I remember the night he asked you.” Minho wiggled his arm behind Jonghyun tugging him closer. He kissed his hair as Jonghyun laid his head against his shoulder. “You came home that night almost floating. You had the carving he made for you around your neck. You didn’t even want to take it off to go to sleep that night. The smile on your face could light up the entire camp.”

         Slowly Jonghyun pointed to the plants over by the window. Around the vase was the wooden pendant. “I was wearing that when the fire happened apparently.”

         “You always did.” A little startled Jonghyun lifted his head to gaze at him. Minho softly laughed at the disbelief present on his face. “You did I promise. You wanted everyone to know you were Jinki’s. Just like he wanted everyone to know he was yours. It’s why he got the tattoo.”

         “Tattoo?”

         “You haven’t seen it?”

         Guilt poured into his belly as he averted his gaze. “I think Jinki is avoiding me.”

         “Why do you say that?”

         “Jinki told me that if in the end I don’t feel comfortable or don’t wish to stay in this life I don’t remember, he’d understand and let me go.” Jonghyun sniffles hard, quickly rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. “What kind of man gives everything up like that? It just seems like he can’t stand to be around me like this.”

         “Jinki loves you so much Jonghyun. That might feel uncomfortable for you, knowing that, but he just wants you happy. That’s all he’s ever wanted in the almost fifteen years I’ve seen you around him.” Minho carefully brought Jonghyun’s hand between his own. “If it feels like he’s pulling away, it’s probably because he wants to make you comfortable, but it’s hard for him not to act like he would normally. You don’t remember him, but every time he looks at you he sees the love of his life. The father of his children.”

         “There’s this entire life around me that doesn’t feel like mine Minho.” He takes a shuddered breath, trying so hard to keep his emotions in check. “Jinki is such a nice man. He’s sweet and understanding. I can tell he cares, but it hurts seeing him walk around me tense. I know he’s trying so hard to give me space. This is supposed to be the happiest part of my life, isn’t it? I’m mated and having twins and yet I feel like I’ve just been thrown into this life randomly. Nothing feels like me. My body doesn’t even feel like mine.”

         “After they’re born, are you going to leave?”

         Jonghyun looks at him as if he’s offended, but Minho can tell he’s scared. “I.. I don’t know.”

         “When you are ready to leave the hospital, I talked to Changmin.” Minho gently nudged him. “You can have our extra room for as long as you need it.”

         “I don’t think Jinki would like that.”

         Minho smiled sweetly. “It was his idea. Thought you’d do well surrounded by people you know.”

         “Who’s Changmin again?”

         “Oh, sweets.” Minho brought Jonghyun’s head closer to kiss his temple. “I have so much to tell you.”

\-----

         As the front door was pushed open the voices that were muffled before could be clearly heard. Changmin and Jinki turned then, both with a soft smile on their face. Jonghyun’s gaze fell away, feeling a little uneasy at all the attention thrown his way just by walking into the home. Jinki squeezed Changmin’s shoulder. “Thanks for letting me set a few things up.”

         “Of course.”

         With a bow of his head, Jinki threw his bag over his shoulder and stepped over to Minho, who quickly took him into a hug. “Thanks for getting him and helping him settle.”

         “Aren’t you staying?” The attention quickly shifted to Jonghyun when he spoke.

         “Oh, I have a few things to take care of before I do my night rotation.” Jinki gave a tight smile. “There are a few things I prepared for you in the room. I hope you like them. I’ll see you for dinner though tomorrow, okay?”

         The man gave an unsure squeeze to Jonghyun’s hand before slipping out of the door. Jonghyun wrapped his arms around himself and frowned as he looked up at his brother. “See? I told you. Avoiding me.”

         “He’s probably really busy Jonghyun.” Minho sweetly smiled, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you settled into your room.”

         “Okay.”

\-----

         Kibum sighed as he turned the corner of the barracks to see Jinki fixing his arrows. “What are you doing here? I thought Jonghyun was released from the Hut?”

         “He was.” Jinki’s voice was slightly muffled with his head dipped down. “Minho and his mate are helping him get settled.”

         “I just figured you’d want to be there.”

         “I’m giving him space is all.”

         Kibum crossed his arms and leaned on the pillar next to the bench Jinki was sitting on. “You spent the first month sleeping on the floor in his room. What space are you talking about Jinki?”

         With a deep sigh, Jinki stopped fussing with the perfectly fine arrow and frowned for a moment. “The more I spend time with him, the more I try to fix the ache in my chest from missing him so much, the more it grows because he’s not the man I fell in love with. He flinches if I reach out, out of pure familiarity, to move a strand of hair from his forehead. He used to lean into my touch. There’s only so many blank stares as he looks at me I can take Kibum.”  

         “He’s never going to remember you or learn to love you again if you aren’t around him.”

         Jinki lifts his head and gives a sad smile. “We both know what the chances of him returning to me at the end of this are.”

         “Hey.” Jinki’s brows furrowed at Kibum’s tone of voice. “You’ve always said, ‘Look for the brighter side of things’. Where’s that Jinki?”

         “He’s broken Kibum.” Jinki took a shuddered breath. “I had everything I’ve ever wanted. And one too dry day during the time I’m not home, and it all falls through my fingers.”

         “You couldn’t have prevented this.”

         “If I had stayed on the chief’s guard I’d have been there to get him out of there quicker, prevented that beam from landing on him.”

         “Or both of you could have been pinned and neither of you would have made it out at all.”

         “I don’t care about the house.” Jinki wiped his eyes quickly with his knuckle before continuing. “Or everything inside of it. All that ever mattered was I had him beside me always. Him and I against anything that came up. I still feel the bond. I feel the pain of being so far away, the lack of affection and connection. I feel him slowly slipping away. I can’t invest everything into trying to help him remember and it fails. If he leaves me I-”

         “Why do you think he’ll leave Jinki?” Kibum softly sat next to him, rubbing his hand over Jinki’s shoulder blades.

         “The last 15 years hasn’t happened. He thinks he’s 15 again.” Jinki growled deeply. “He keeps remembering things about Minho. I heard him talking to him about how he remembers his goddamn mating ceremony to Changmin. But he can’t even remember that he loves me. Doesn’t remember who was holding his hand as we stood there as witnesses.”

         “You have to give him time.”

         “I’m trying. It’s so hard Kibum.” And then Jinki was pressing his face into Kibum’s chest, emotions fully hitting him. A little shocked, it took Kibum a moment to wrap his arms around him, but he eventually did. Jinki was so quiet as he weakly said. “I just want him back.”

         “I know, hon. I know.”

\-----

         The meat was sizzling on the grill in the middle of the firepit. Jinki was close enough to be able to flip it with his tongs every so often. He was laughing, eyes almost gone as he listened to Changmin complain beside him. To Jonghyun, it seemed like this was something that happened often if he had his memories. He was caught in the beauty of Jinki, so free and open. His smile was so bright, laughter so deep and full. It made his heart beat loudly in his ears. It was the first time Jonghyun took notice of how much of an attractive man Jinki was.

         “Aye get outta here Changmin.”  Jinki scoffed. “I know how to grill meat, ya Pup.”

         "The left one is looking a little charred is all.”

         Jinki smacked his hand away softly as he reached for the extra pair of tongs, both complaining to each other in teasing tones. Jonghyun wrapped his blanket around his shoulders tighter and leaned to get Minho’s attention. “Does this happen a lot?”

         “What? Jinki cooking and Changmin second guessing everything?” When Jonghyun nodded at the whispered words Minho laughed quietly, “Yeah. Almost every Sunday for the last five years or so. Changmin likes to believe he’s a grill master, but he burnt a few chickens a few years back and now Jinki won’t let him touch the tongs like ever.”

         Jonghyun sweetly smiled as he returned his gaze to Jinki across the flames. “It seems Jinki really likes his food.”

         “Oh, he loves it.” Minho scrunched his nose. “His dream was to open a restaurant. Down on the main street.”

         “Was?”

         Minho quietly hummed, “Our parents were very adamant about our prospective mates being able to provide for us. He gave his dream up because being on the guard gave a steady enough paycheck.”

         “He gave up his dream for me?”

         “No,” Minho pressed his lips together, “He wanted to be safe. He used most of his savings to start building the house. He changed his dream to you.”

         “Oh.” He whispered, gazing over at Jinki softly as he cut the steak into pieces, putting them on the log sticks with the seasoned vegetables, before placing them on the grill once again. The more he learned about Jinki, the sweeter he seemed.

         “The food should be ready soon.” Jinki’s gaze rose and slowly found Jonghyun’s. A warm smile spread across his lips.  He lifted his hand, softly wiggling his fingers. It made Jonghyun feel warm. His hands fell from holding his blanket close, to land on the curve of his stomach.

         Jinki’s chest filled with warmth when he noticed the slight movement. Maybe Kibum was right for him to have hope.

\-----

         Changmin and Minho had already retired to bed. Jinki had taken Minho’s spot once he had left, allowing him to be right beside Jonghyun. The food had been cleaned up, but the fire was still strong in front of them. “Are you going to leave soon?”

         “Hmm?” Jinki turned his head until his ear was against the pillow behind his head. He gave a small smile as he caught Jonghyun’s gaze. “Do you wish for me to leave?”

         “No!” He dipped his head blushing at how quick he answered, as if panicked. His voice was a lot softer as he explained. “You just don’t often stay around me for that long lately, especially alone like this. It’s making me wonder if you like being around me at all.”

         Jinki’s gaze falls, just like his expression as he looks at his hands in his lap. “I guess I should be honest with you Jonghyun, huh?”

         “I like honesty.” Jonghyun quietly quipped, “I’m not quite sure what I can believe lately.”

         “I should have been more open with you for a while now. If you’re ready to listen.” Warmly, Jinki turned to bring his right leg up, facing Jonghyun more. “I love being around you, but it’s difficult for me. I look upon you and you appear just like the love of my life. You have his beautiful smile, the same adorable laugh, but when you look at me the gaze is not of the man I fell in love with. I kept my feelings to myself because I didn’t want to overwhelm you, make you feel guilty. It’s not your fault you can’t remember me Jonghyun.”

         “I’m sorry I don’t,” Jonghyun whispered.

         “Please don’t be.” Quickly out of reflex Jinki reaches for his hand, holding it warmly. He’s about to pull it away when he realizes, but then Jonghyun’s other is curling around his. “As much as I wish what happened didn’t, I cannot change the past. I haven’t been around you for longer periods of time not just because it hurts, but because I’m preparing myself for the end when you leave me.”

         “Do you believe I’m going to leave?” Jonghyun breathes out quickly, “Is there not hope that’d I’d learn to love you and want to stay?”

         Jinki softly moves his thumb across Jonghyun’s hand as a sad smile pulls at his lips. “How much hope can I have that fifteen years worth of love and memories could be remade and grown in just under five months Jonghyun?”

         “You can’t have any if you’re never around me.” Jonghyun flashes a small smile, “Minho and Changmin have been telling me loads of stories about you, our lives together, but somehow they only feel real coming from you.”

         “My faith is dwindling Jonghyun.”

         “I want to remember. I want the memories to connect to my own when I’m told them. This life that I’ve built, but don’t remember, I want to so much. You aren’t the only one feeling defeated, frustrated… faith slowly disappearing.” After swallowing thickly he continued. “I can’t get to know you for myself if you aren’t around me Jinki. I told you before that these are your cubs. I may not remember how they came to be, or how much we wanted them, but even if I never remember and I wish to leave, I don’t want you to have missed the experience of the pregnancy because you can’t stand to look at me Jinki. I’m trying. I just need you to try too. Can’t you believe in me, if even for the one reason that I used to be the man you loved?”

         “Oh, Jonghyun,” Jinki whispered, breath shaking as he gazed upon his face. “I still love you. I’ll always love you.”

         “Will you try for me Jinki?”

         In response Jinki lifted Jonghyun’s hand his fingers were intertwined with, kissing the back of his hand slowly. His eyes were a little glossy as he smiled, “Somehow, you always find a way to give me hope.”

         The flames were almost dying out when Jonghyun nervously asked, “Will you stay the night with me, Jinki?”

         He stood, stretching for just a moment, before offering his hand with a sweet smile. “Come on, I’ll help you to bed.”

\----

         “Minho was telling me about the night you asked me to mate with you.” Jonghyun softly began as Jinki began to unwrap the cloth tightly wound around his wrists. “Apparently I wouldn’t shut up about it all night.”

         Jinki quietly chuckled as he untucked his shirt, pulling it over his head to change into an extra Minho had left out for him earlier just in case he wished to stay. “Yeah, I remember you ruffling my hair and teasing me about how it was about time I asked. What else did he say about me?”

         Jonghyun dipped his head, blushing when the light of the candles flickered against Jinki’s toned abdomen. “About how proud we were to be mated to one another. He mentioned that you had a tattoo of our mating mark.”

         “Ah, I do.” He stopped pulling the shirt over his head before looking over his shoulder, “Would you like to see it?”

         “Ye-yeah.”

         He moved over to the bed, carefully climbing up next to Jonghyun. He smiled when Jonghyun was staring at his lap. Gently Jinki brushed his fingers along his chin, lifting his gaze. “You must look at me to see it.”

         “I’m sorry, I just,” Jonghyun almost giggled, “I’m just noticing that you’re rather attractive.”

         “Well thank you.” Jinki ran his fingers through his hair, shy, before turning so their knees were touching. His expression shifted to one of nervousness as Jonghyun’s gaze landed on the mark upon his chest, fingers a little cool as they gently pressed against his skin, running over the lines of the mark. When Jinki spoke again his voice was barely a whisper. “I got it the day after our ceremony. The first time I lied to you was telling you it was an injury from the guard until it was healed enough to show it to you. You were so mad at me, but it was your cute mad.”

         With a raised eyebrow, Jonghyun asked, “Cute mad?”

         “You have levels of anger.” Jinki studied his face, the lines of his face as he focused on the tattoo. “Cute mad would be you frustrated. You’d be pouting, arms crossed, stomping around like you’re mildly protesting something. You weren’t mad I got the tattoo, but that I didn’t tell you I was going to get it. You’re not much into surprises.”

         “I’m guessing you never took me very seriously during these times?”

         Jinki scrunched his nose as he shook his head. “Not even a little bit.”

         Jonghyun’s hand slowly fell from Jinki’s chest, cheeks a little pink as he peeked up at him through his fringe. “It’s very well done.”

         “You always liked it,” Jinki comments as he slips on his shirt and shifting to have his back against the wall, a little further from Jonghyun. “You’d always kiss it when we were intimate.”

         “Did I?”

         Jinki whipped his head toward him, a little panicked, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

         “No, no, it’s okay.” Jonghyun cleared his throat, blushing a deep red.

         “Um, I’ll go roll the mat out.”

         He was stepping off the bed when Jonghyun managed to catch his wrist. “I think you’ve slept on the floor long enough Jinki. This bed is way big enough.”

         “If you’re sure.”

         He beamed, “I am.”

         After the candles were blown out, and they were under the blankets, Jinki glanced over, “Goodnight Jonghyun.”

         “Goodnight Jinki.” As the man turned his back toward him, getting ready for bed, Jonghyun continued, “And thank you for being open with me tonight.”

         Jinki glanced over his shoulder, twisting a little to look at him softly. “I’ll work on being here more. Sleep well.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinki sticks to his word and tries.

               Walking into his room the first thing his eyes find are the flowers tied with a ribbon on the table near the bed. They’re just wildflowers, ones he had seen in the fields around the village, but they were sweet and gentle in scent as he brought them up to his nose. Softly placing them back on the table his attention turned toward the clothes on the bed. The fabric of the shirt was smooth and cool against his fingertips, a deep navy blue in color. He heard the floor creek slightly behind him. Figuring it was Minho who had come home with him, he called out, “Minho, what is all this?” 

               “I hope you aren’t too disappointed I’m not your brother.” Jonghyun whipped around quickly, stumbling a little to regain his balance for a moment, at the deep timbre of the voice he wasn’t expecting at all. Jinki was leaning against the door frame. His hair had been trimmed nicely, pushed back off his forehead, but the strands were slowly falling once again. He was smiling, the warm soft one he often had when he looked at Jonghyun. “To answer your question, I was hoping you’d join me for dinner.”

               “But it’s not Sunday.” 

               “Just you and I, Jonghyun.” 

               “Like,” He ran his tongue over his lips quickly, “A date?” 

               “Like our first to be exact. I cooked for you in your parents home one night they had taken Minho out to the bonfire. I thought it was a good start.” His chin fell to his chest as he scratched his neck lightly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I don’t want to-” 

               “I’d love to.” Jonghyun quickly interrupts, smiling wide when Jinki’s gaze meets his own. “I’ll get changed and meet you in the kitchen.” 

               A huge breath left Jinki’s lips then and Jonghyun realized he had been nervous. “Take your time. There’s no rush.”

\----

               Stepping out of hallway through the kitchen archway he quickly noticed that Jinki was leaning over the big pot hanging over the fire. On the small kitchen table were two plates, a few candles, and what looked like a roasted chicken. Jinki looked up then, flashing a smile. “You look really nice, Jonghyun.” 

               “The clothes are really pretty.” 

               “You’re always pretty,” The compliment is given so easily and Jonghyun is reminded that he doesn’t remember that it could be a normal thing for them. “Are you feeling alright?” 

               “Hmm?” 

               “Your expression changed drastically.” He flashed a smile, “Forgive my overprotectiveness. You’ll learn I worry about you quite a lot.”

               “It’s understandable given the circumstances.” 

               “I always have,” Jinki comments as he pours the vegetable stew into two bowls, placing them on the table near the plates. “Growing up together you were always hurting yourself. Either tumbling down a hill or tripping over a rock. I learned how to bandage properly from having to treat you all the time.” 

               “I remember that.” Jonghyun softly confessed, moving his spoon through his stew. “Lately I’ve been having dreams. I remember you being my friend, remember all the mess we got into as children, but the closer I try to remember to when we became... Well, a we… it’s all fuzzy before it fizzles out. I’m sorry.” 

               He expected Jinki to look sad, but he was smiling sweetly, reaching over to gently squeeze his hand. “You’re remembering more Jonghyun. That’s what’s important.” 

               When he finally tried the food before him he groaned, causing Jinki to raise an eyebrow. “You’re amazing.” 

               “Thank you?” 

               “Minho told me you wanted to open a restaurant but I-” He blinked, trying to work through the different tastes on his tongue. “I didn’t expect it to be this good.”

               “You came for my kisses, but you stayed for the food you once said.” 

               “That’s awful.” 

               The roar of laughter from Jinki was deep and beautiful as he tried to cover his mouth with his napkin. “I guess it is.” 

               Jonghyun had a small smile on his face as his left hand fell to curl around his stomach, the other laying his spoon down. He quite liked the way Jinki’s eyes crinkled when he laughed. “I like your laugh a lot.”

               Did his eyes always seem to sparkle like that or was it the reflection of the fire? He almost didn’t catch what Jinki said next. “We’ll see what you say when I snort like a pig.”

               “I bet it’s going to be cute.” Jinki blushed lightly, dipping his head slightly. “I’ll just have to make you laugh hard enough.”

               “It’s one of your specialties.”

\----

               After dinner Jinki asked if he would accompany him on a walk. They were stepping off the porch when Jonghyun quietly asked, “Can I hold your hand?” 

               It felt like an eternity between his question and when Jinki was sliding their palms together. The hold was slightly firm and his hands were rough and calloused from his years of working as a guard, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. “Is this alright?” 

               “Yeah.” He grinned, “Where are we heading?” 

               “I hadn’t thought that far honestly.” Shyly chuckling Jinki looked to either side of the porch. “How about we just... Start in a direction and wing it?” 

               “As long as you don’t get us lost.” 

               “Better to spend more time with you, my dear.” Jinki ran his thumb over the back of Jonghyun’s hand softly as they walked down the east path, one that led toward the market and closed shops along the main street. “This is so pretty during the winter. The trees are covered in snow, the moon sparkles so beautifully against it. There’s almost a magic to it.” 

               “It sounds magical.” 

               “During the winter festival, the shops are open later. The bakery gives out cookies to the cubs that run around, hot cocoa and coffee is given out, and there are mittens and hats you can buy. People would make trinkets and wooden gifts, sell them along the main path.” Jinki spread his right hand out, gesturing to images only he could really vividly picture. Jonghyun gazed at him almost fondly. The smile on his face was warm and happy, almost excited as he told his story. It made Jonghyun’s tummy even warmer and thoughts of wanting to see it with Jinki to form, but by then he’d either be too far along to walk great distances or have two babies to take care of. “You liked crocheting animals to sell. They weren’t that big, maybe the size of an apple, but you’d work for weeks to create baskets full of them. I’d be on hot cocoa and other ways to keep you warm.” 

               “I know how to crochet?” 

               “You learned after we moved into our house.” Jinki finally looked over, smiling warmly. “The floors of the house were cold in the mornings and you hated how I’d put my feet on your back to wake you up so you first knitted me a pair of socks and well it expanded to crocheting as well.” 

               “You do seem like the type to do the cold feet thing.” 

               “Do I?”

               “Mhmm. You have a mischievous glint in those pretty eyes of yours.”  

               “You think I have pretty eyes?” 

               “Oh shut up. You must know you’re gorgeous.” 

               “You’ve told me many times before.” His voice had lowered in volume and gotten a little more breathy as he stopped walking to tug him closer. He pressed a slow kiss to Jonghyun’s hair. “I’m just teasing you.” 

               “I like that.”

               “Like what?” 

               “When you,” He gestured to the top of his head vaguely, eyes diverting from Jinki’s as warmth flooded his cheeks. “Kissed me.” 

               Jinki stepped until he was standing just before Jonghyun, lifting his hand slowly to push a few strands of hair from his face. Almost gingerly, he held his cheek, smiling when Jonghyun met his gaze shyly. “It’s one of your favorite things, receiving my kisses. There are more where that came from, Jonghyunie.” 

               “Jinki… I- Oh.” A lingering kiss was pressed against his forehead causing his eyes to flutter a little. The feeling in his stomach could only be described as butterflies when he opened them to see the fond smile on Jinki’s face. “I can see why.” 

               “We should keep walking before it gets too late.” 

\------

               After fussing with his blanket, Jonghyun nuzzled into his pillow and gazed at Jinki moving about the room. “I really enjoyed tonight. Thank you.” 

               Jinki paused in changing his shirt, a slow smile pulling on his lips. “I’m glad. I’m trying to, well, try.”

               “And I do really enjoy you staying the night here.” He curled his hand up under his cheek against the pillow, smiling gently. “I like to think the babies know you’re here too.” 

               “Ya think?” Jinki almost giggled, soft and light as he made his way over to sit on the bed. He lifted his hand slightly off the bed as he turned to bring his right leg further onto the bed, but let it drop a moment later.

               Jonghyun’s fingers were a little cold as they skimmed over Jinki’s hand, lifting it to press it flat against his stomach after moving his shirt a little up. “They’re your cubs, too. You can touch them… me.” 

               Jinki’s breath hitched, eyes softening as his thumb moved across his skin. Quickly his gaze flicked up to find Jonghyun’s, “Thank you.”

               “Lay down. It’ll be more comfy for you.” 

               “I.. okay.” 

               Slowly, as if hesitating, Jinki climbing fully into the bed. He wiggled a little to lay his head against the pillow, eyes locked with Jonghyun’s. His hand was moved for him once again and feeling the warmth of Jonghyun’s skin and the life within they created made him smile so easily.  Jonghyun softly laid his hand over Jinki’s as he confessed. “You’re trying so hard to keep me comfortable and to not push me, and I’m so thankful for that Jinki. But I do enjoy your touch. I know how often you hold back for me.” 

               “For so long, the little touches we’d share were just a normal fact of our lives together. You’d kiss my cheek so often I began leaning into it before you even got close enough to pucker because I knew. You’re the more tactile person I’ve ever known.” He quietly sighed, still moving his thumb over the taut skin of his tummy. “Just feeling them like this after so long… it feels really good, Jonghyun. Thank you. I don’t think I have the right words to explain what this means to me.” 

               “I can understand just a little bit with the way you’re looking at me right now.” Then his eyes widened as he moved his hand to Jinki’s cheek, wiping just below his eye. “Oh, please don’t cry.” 

               “I’m sorry I, aha, they’re happy I promise.” 

               “I can feel your love just by the way you look at me all the time.” 

               “A lovesick puppy I’ve been dubbed before.” Jinki flashed a little smile before removing his hand from Jonghyun’s belly. He sniffled quietly, “We should get some sleep. That walk really tired me out.” 

               “Mm, yes, goodnight Jinki.” 

               “May I give you a kiss, Jonghyun?” 

               The idea of receiving a kiss warmed his chest and made his skin tingle. “Yes.” 

               His eyes were closing as Jinki leaned in, but his lips never landed on his. Instead, the kiss fell onto his forehead, Jinki’s nose pressed into his hair slightly. When he pulled away, he was smiling. “Goodnight, Jonghyun.” 

\------

               In the morning, Jinki woke up to warmth pressed against his right side. While the sensation was a normal one for him, the feeling had been lost for some time given the circumstances. He tried not to move so much as he shifted awake. His eyes were barely open, basically squinting in the light coming from the window across the room, but what he could see made him want to cry slightly. 

               Jonghyun was curled up against him. His head was nuzzled into Jinki’s chest, arm over his body, and belly resting against his hip. Jinki decided to be selfish for just a moment. As he slowly breathed in his scent, his eyes fluttered, nose pressed into Jonghyun’s dark locks. He whispered warmly, “Please come back to me.” 

               Before the man could wake up and notice, Jinki pretended to be asleep once again, just silently enjoying the pleasant feeling of his lover being up against him once again. 

\------


	6. Chapter 6

           As he slipped into a chair at the kitchen table, Minho placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of him. The smiley face made from peach slides and blueberries usually make him grin, but there wasn’t even a little upturn of the corner of his lips at the sight of it. Minho frowned softly as he squeezed Jonghyun’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” 

           “Hmm?” 

           “You usually love my fruit smile.” He tapped Jonghyun’s cheek softly. “And this morning you’re the image of gloom.”

           “Oh,” Jonghyun took a spoonful with a few blueberries and chewed it. Once swallowed he shrugged. “Why did Jinki kiss my forehead?” 

           Confused, Minho slipped into the chair to the right of Jonghyun, leaning on his elbow. “What do you mean?” 

           “Last night he asked me if he could give me a kiss and he kissed my forehead.” After falling back into the chair with an annoyed huff, Jonghyun crossed his arms across his chest. “Does he not want to kiss me on the lips?” 

           “Oh Jonghyun, of course, he does.” Minho flashed a sweet smile, “But you have to realize that Jinki isn’t going to do anything to push you and your limits. He doesn’t want to lose you more than he has because he went too far. If you want a kiss from him, you’re going to have to make the move.” 

           “But, he wouldn’t be pushing me! I said yes thinking he was going to kiss my lips.” 

           “He doesn’t know that. He just wants you comfortable.” Minho stood swiftly, patting the back of Jonghyun’s hand placed on the table next to his bowl. “Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, what you want. How this moves and how quickly, is entirely up to you right now. I have a meeting with the Chief soon. I’ll see you later.” 

           “Thanks for breakfast.” A little smile curved on his lips. “And for the tips.” 

           “Anytime.” 

\-----

           Later that afternoon Jinki stepped through the front door, skin glistening with sweat, white shirt stuck to his back, and a tired, yet apologetic smile upon his face. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”

           Getting up from the couch was easier said than done the further along he got in his pregnancy, but he managed to pull himself up from his comfy position. His blanket was still around his shoulders as he stepped around the corner to follow Jinki into the washroom. He was bent over washing his face as Jonghyun leaned against the doorframe. “What has you so sweaty?” 

           Jinki’s voice was muffled as he patted his face dry. “I was helping Kibum with something. Time got away from me.” He beamed brightly as he wiped his hands off. “Do you still have those extra shirts of mine?” 

           “Oh, oh yeah. They’re on the dresser in my room.” 

           Just up the stairs into the loft space, Jinki grabbed the neatly folded shirt and closed the door behind him. His older shirt was balled up and tossed into a corner before he left. The new shirt was hanging from his neck as he climbed down the stairs. Once flat on the main floor, he pulled the rest of the shirt down. Jonghyun’s cheeks were slightly pink as he averted his gaze. “Are you ready to go otherwise?” 

           “Just need my shoes.” 

           A soft kiss was pressed to Jonghyun’s cheek as Jinki slipped by him. “I’ll be on the porch waiting.” 

\-----

           Their steps were leisurely as they walked to the doctor’s appointment. Jinki looked over softly as he asked, “Are you okay? Your hand is shaking a little.”  

           “I’m a little nervous.”

           They stepped up onto the porch of the place and Jinki tugged him over to one end, out of the way of the big door. With a squeeze of his hand, he quietly asked, “What about? Have you felt something different lately with them?”

           “No, no, nothing like that.” Jonghyun flashed a smile, before lowering his gaze as he continued, “The last time we were here you were told I didn’t remember you and may never fully remember again. I don’t want to go in there and get any more bad news. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” 

           “All I’m worried about is that you and those babies are healthy. If we get bad news, we’ll go through it together.” Jinki gave him a lingering kiss on his forehead. “You’ll always have me as long as you want me.” 

\-----

           “You can put your shirt down, thank you.” The doctor smiled sweetly as she sat back on her stool, wiping her hands free of the oil she had used to help her with her reading. While this appointment was mainly just a health check, it also included the medicine woman taking a very educated guess on what they were having based on their scents compared to the cubs. 

           “Is everything okay?” Jonghyun quietly asked, tone slightly shaky as he squeezed Jinki’s hand.

           “From what I can feel, they’re two very healthy boys.” She put the cloth on the table to her left before grabbing her clipboard. 

           “Boys?” Jonghyun breathed out roughly, looking up at Jinki quickly. Jinki was beaming brightly, left hand pressed against Jonghyun’s belly, thumb moving softly. 

           Jinki leaned down to press his nose into Jonghyun’s hair, giving his temple a small kiss. His thoughts were brought back to the present when the woman spoke again. “I am a little concerned, as I always am with multiples, about the stress on your body and the babies the further along you become.”

           “What do you suggest?” 

           “Limit the amount of moderate and high exertion and stress you experience as best you can.” Then her eyes lifted to Jinki’s face, hand rising to gently point between them. “And absolutely no penetrative sex.” 

           “Yes, of course.” Jinki’s voice cracked, cheeks a deep crimson as he broke eye contact. 

           Chuckling, the woman stood. “Other than that, there are a few tonics I wish you to take one before bed every night. And I’ll see you next month for your appointment.” 

           “Thank you,” Jonghyun smiled warmly. As the door clicked close he turned to Jinki, excitement almost visibly bubbling off of him. 

           “I told you it would be alright. Maybe-” But then Jonghyun’s tummy rumbled, causing Jinki to laugh, “We should stop at the bakery on the way back.” 

           “Mm bread.” Another grumble and Jonghyun pouted as he was carefully helped from the bed. 

           Jinki was signing the paperwork for the tonics, Jonghyun holding his left hand when he quietly suggested. “Or the peach pastry you really like.”

           “I like peach pastry?” 

           “Yeah, it’s one of your favorites.” He smiled kindly at the man behind the desk, grabbed the cloth bag with the tonics, and squeezed Jonghyun’s hand holding his. As he held the door open with his arm for Jonghyun, he quietly stated. “You’d make me go get some right when your heat hit. You’d eat them between rounds.” 

           “And you just... Would go?” 

           Jinki nodded, corner of his lips curved up in amusement. “You sound surprised.” 

           “A little.” 

           “There were times when we were dating and you’d have your heat, that I’d bring you some.” 

           “We didn’t do it before we mated?” 

           “Oh, we did.” Jinki’s cheeks were a soft pink as he ran his tongue nervously over his lips. “Just never during your heat. I’d spend it with you, but you would just cuddle against me and try to sleep. Even then you took comfort in my scent.” 

           “I can’t believe my parents let me have my bf over during my heats.”

           “I didn’t quite believe it either, but I like to believe they trusted me enough with you.” Jinki hummed as he gestured toward the bakery. “Do you want to eat inside or take it home?” 

           “Oh,” Inside the bakery were a few wooden tables and chairs, and through the large front window, there wasn’t anyone seated. “Inside, if you want to go on a little date of sorts.” 

           Jinki’s eyebrow rose slightly, “Are you asking me on a date?” 

           “Possibly.” 

           “I’d possibly love to.”

           Jonghyun softly whined, “Jinki~” 

           Laughing quietly, Jinki opened the door to the bakery. “Come on. Go get us a table I’ll order for us.” 

\-----

           Jinki’s cheek was squished against his palm as he leaned heavily against it, gazing over at Jonghyun trying to get the stickiness off his fingers. Usually, he’d reach over to take his hand and suck the sweet syrup from his fingertips, but now he was content with how they were. “You’re right, these are really good.”

           There was a bit of peach stuck to his bottom lip and without thinking Jinki licked his own thumb to gently rub it over Jonghyun’s lip, cleaning it. Jonghyun let out a little gasp, breath warm against Jinki’s thumb as he pulled it away and wiped it off on a napkin. “I’m just glad you’re enjoying yourself.” 

           “You haven’t eaten much of yours, Jinki.”

           “Must have been too distracted by how beautiful you are.” 

           After taking a sip of his juice, Jonghyun cleared his throat. “Have you always been this smooth?”

           “Oh, definitely not. It’s a mystery how I got you in the first place.”

           When Jonghyun spoke again, his voice was softer, just above a whisper. “I’m glad you did get me.” 

           In any other circumstances Jinki would have leaned over the small table and kissed him warmly, but instead, he lifted Jonghyun’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles softly. “I am too.”

\-----

           As Sunday rolled around, surprising both Minho and Changmin, Jinki let Changmin have the reins of cooking. Jonghyun didn’t quite understand actually how big of a deal such a thing was, but he could tell by the shit eating grin on Changmin’s face that he was ecstatic. The temperature was beginning to decrease as fall changed from summer. The leaves had already begun to fall from their branches. The bright colors of the changing leaves were beautiful in the dim light of the slowly setting sun. Minho was laughing loudly as Changmin attempted to put more wood on the fire only to receive a billow of smoke into his face. Of course, only after knowing he was okay. However, most of Jonghyun’s attention was on the way Jinki had chosen to sit next to him on the large bench and how his nose was pressed into his hair right behind his ear.

           He was there for a few moments, the rhythm of his breathing and the soft slide of his thumb on the back of his hand was soothing until he pulled away to look at what was the outcome of all the commotion. Jonghyun made a mental note to ask Minho about it when he got the chance to. Until then, he enjoyed the close warmth of Jinki and the shifting of their relationship.

\-----

           He got his chance to ask Minho about it a few weeks later. Minho was working with the Chief in upgrading his youngest’s rooms and was quite busy because of it. It was late in the evening on a night that he caught Minho walking from the kitchen with a ceramic mug in his hands. “Minho!”

           The younger man stopped, stepping back a few strides until he was in Jonghyun’s line of sight from the comfiest chair in the living room. “Yes? Is something wrong?” 

           Jonghyun gently rolled his fingers, tapping softly against his tummy under the warmth of his blanket. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just have a question.” 

           Minho leaned against the wood of the doorway and sipped the hot beverage of his choice. He smiled as he lowered it, “Alright, what is it?” 

           “Why does Jinki do the mm nose in my hair thing?”

           “You mean where he stays behind your ear for a few minutes?” When Jonghyun nodded, Minho shrugged. “I have no clue other than he’s always done it. You’ll have to ask him.”

           “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

           “Is there anything you need before I head to bed?”

           He shook his head, “Jinki should be here any time now to get ready for bed.”

           “Alright, goodnight Jonghyun.”

           “Goodnight, thanks Ming.” 

           “Anytime.” And then he stepped back and disappeared down the hall toward his bedroom.

\-----

           When Jinki arrived sometime later, he kicked off his boots at the door and smiled brightly when his gaze finally fell on Jonghyun. He had fallen asleep in his chair, curled up the best he could with the blanket beginning to fall onto the floor. Jinki took quiet steps toward him, kneeling in front of him easily. He gently caressed his cheek, voice soft and warm as he called for him to wake up. “Jonghyunie, sweet, come on. Let’s get up to bed.”

           After a few incoherent gurgles, Jinki laughed and patted his cheek a few times. “I can’t carry you like I used to. Come on Baby, you gotta wake up for me.”

           A few moments later Jonghyun shifted and his eyes began to open. There was happy, hazy smile on his face as he mumbled. “Did you call me Baby?” 

           “I did.”

           “Mm, keep doing that I like it.”

           If Jinki was any softer, he’d be a puddle on the floor. “Alright, are you ready to go to bed, Baby?” 

           “That sounds like a plan.” With Jinki’s help, Jonghyun was helped from his chair and up the stairs to his room. Getting ready for bed was quick, but by then some of the drowsiness had faded. When Jinki came to sit on the bed, Jonghyun quietly asked, “Why.. why do you put your nose behind my ear?” 

           Jinki froze in trying to take off his socks for a moment, before continuing until the action was completed. As he twisted and brought his legs up under the blanket, he turned onto his side. With his head lying against his pillows, he answered shyly. “No matter what is happening around me, what stress I’m under, doing that, putting my nose into your hair and taking a few deep breaths, centers me in a way nothing else can. You’re my safe place, Jonghyun. My home.” 

           “Minho told me you’ve always done it.”

           Jinki lifted his left hand to cup his cheek, “If you have questions about me, or us, please feel comfortable just asking me. I’ll always tell you the truth Jonghyun.”

           “Okay.”

           After moving his thumb across his cheek for a few moments, Jinki smiled. “Goodnight Jonghyun.”

           “Goodnight, Jinki.” And then he quickly added, nervously. “I meant what I said.”

           Wiggling a little to get comfortable, Jinki asked, “About what?”

           “Being called Baby. I like it.” 

           Jinki visibly melted, entire being softening as he gazed over at him. “I know you do, Baby.”

\-----

           While he knew he was supposed to limit the amount of higher level excretion he experienced, Jonghyun found he enjoyed taking walks in the middle of the afternoon. He tried to keep them in the small areas he knew really well, like the small neighborhood of houses Minho’s was in the middle of and the small nature path just south of the main market area, but today something felt right about going straight instead of turning right towards the nature path. Before he knew it a house under construction came into view. The walls were all up, windows put into place, and in the high afternoon sun, he could see a man standing on the roof working on shingles. As he got closer, something about the place felt familiar, and then he recognized the man on the roof. “Jinki!” 

           “Huh?” Jinki turned quickly at the sound of his name and the sharp movement caused his footing to slip. Jonghyun’s heart was in his throat watching him slide down the roof and fall two stories into the big pile of hay next to the built front porch. When there was no movement, Jonghyun rushed over as quickly as he could, more like waddling with each passing day. As he got closer, finally Jinki was sitting up, rubbing the back of his head while he groaned softly. He peeked up at Jonghyun as his shadow fell over him. “What are you doing out here, Jonghyun?” 

           “Oh my God, are you okay?” Flustered and a little out of breath, he fussed to get Jinki up into a standing position, moving his hands quickly to move the hay from his clothes.

           “I’m fine, really I’m fine. Just a little rocked.” He rolled his shoulders before asking again, “What are you doing out here, Jonghyun? This is a long walk from Minho’s place.”

           “I was just walking and something led me here.” Jonghyun’s hands were softly running over his tummy mindlessly. “Was this... Our house?” 

           “It was.” 

           “And you’re rebuilding it?” 

           “I wanted it to be ready to come home to.” Jinki pulled his bottom lip through his teeth as he averted his gaze from Jonghyun’s. “If you decided you’d want to when they come. It was to be a surprise.” 

           “Maybe we should sit down, you look a little pale Jinki.” 

           He squinted, head still pounding before sighing. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

           After taking Jonghyun’s hand, Jinki led them up the few steps to the porch, where two rocking chairs were already placed. Jonghyun groaned as he leaned back. He laughed quietly at the look of concern on Jinki’s face, “I guess that walk was longer than I thought it was.”

           “You’re 6 months pregnant with twins. I’m surprised you want to move at all.”

           “I’ll get back to you on that in a few months." It was a comfortable silence as they rocked in the chairs, resting until Jinki got them some lemonade from the large bottle Kibum had brought him shortly before he took his fall. Jonghyun was sipping on his when he let out a sharp, breath, " Oh!” He jerked, hand pressing where one of the babies had sharply kicked him. Jinki’s expression was back to being full of worry then. Jonghyun shook his hand, “It’s nothing. They’re just getting more mm mobile.” 

           “Really?” 

           “Would you like to feel?”

           “Oh.. is it that obvious?” Jinki gave a bashful smile but didn’t look away. Jonghyun reached over to curl his fingers around Jinki’s right wrist, tugging him over closer. Once he was kneeling at his feet, he took his other hand. He moved them to his belly and watched the pure wonder travel over Jinki’s features. “Hi there.”

           It was then when Jinki looked up, such soft amazement in his eyes, that Jonghyun took the chance. He cupped Jinki’s jaw as he leaned in, whispering quickly before pressing their lips together. “Forgive me.” 

           Panic was beginning to bubble in his chest that he had read it all wrong and that Jinki didn’t want to kiss him when finally he pressed into the kiss too. His hands lifted from Jonghyun’s belly, pushing into his hair as he deepened the kiss. It was everything Jonghyun thought it would be, but nothing like he expected it as well. Jinki’s kisses were sure and warm, sweet and soft as for a split second he flicked his tongue between the gap of his lips.

           Then Jinki pulled away, eyes flicking over Jonghyun’s features for doubt. “I was told I’d have to tell you I want more and.. I do. This is that. Me telling you I want kisses.” 

           Jinki stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, chest heaving with his rough breathing, before he kissed him once more. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Discussion about a past abortion and stuff

          Jinki slowly began to smile when he felt Jonghyun carefully laying beside him, but he didn’t open his eyes as the man settled. His belly was a warm pressure against his side as Jonghyun curled up beside him, throwing a leg over his. He finally opened his eyes when Jonghyun spoke. “I know you’re not sleeping.”

          “Just resting.” His grin grew as he shifted his head to push his nose into Jonghyun’s hair. “I had a wonderful dream.”

          “Is that so?”

          “Yeah, but then I woke up to this and realized it wasn’t a dream at all.” 

          Jonghyun hummed as his cheeks reddened, nuzzling into Jinki’s chest. “You’re the worst.” 

          “Only sometimes.” He took a deep breath, relaxing in the warmth of Jonghyun’s scent before he quietly asked, “You’re back from your market trip with Minho early. Everything okay?” 

          “I just felt a little tired halfway through it and my feet hurt a lot, but, there was this lady that apparently knew me very well and I just.. Couldn’t remember her. It ruined the space for me.” 

          “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help connect the dots.”

          “I asked Minho. He said she was your Mum.”

          “My mother?”

          With a sigh, Jonghyun pushed up from the bed, shifting to sit and look over at him. “She was so excited to see that I was well and with child. Apparently, she hadn’t been in town in quite a while.”

          “Oh, I didn’t know she was back in town.” Jinki pressed his lips together before following suit and sitting, one of their knees touching as he reached to take Jonghyun’s hand. “When my Ma died the bond breaking almost ruined my Mum. She went on a healing journey a few years ago. We didn’t end things on a good note.” 

          “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

          He flashed a little smile. “I asked you to talk to me about it. No need to be sorry.”

          Jonghyun leaned the best he could to kiss Jinki’s cheek, a comfortable silence falling between them before he hesitantly asked. “Is this the first time I’ve been pregnant?” 

          “What makes you ask?”

          “Your Mum just gave me the feeling that this wasn’t the first.”

          “It isn’t.” He shook his head, pulling his hand from Jonghyun’s grip, as his gaze fell to his lap. “There was a slight mishap about two months from our ceremony date during your heat. I knotted you when I shouldn’t have, the condom broke and you found out you were pregnant a few weeks before we were to be mated. We were scared and unprepared.”

          “What did we do?”

          “There were quite a few nights of fighting caused by the worry and stress of everything, but we talked about it.” Jinki gently took his hands again. “You used to work at the orphanage. We knew we couldn’t care for a baby then and you knew if you carried that baby to term you could never give them up, let alone for a life you witnessed at work. So, we made the decision to have an abortion.”

          “Oh.”

          He smiled reassuringly. “You don’t remember it, but I hope you believe me when I say we were sure. It was one of the hardest decisions we ever made together. It’s one reason that when my Ma died, my Mum left without much contact with me. She never supported our decision. She felt the law allowing abortions were wrong.” 

          “Did your Ma?”

          He nodded slightly. “She understood why the law was in place in origins, to protect people who could get pregnant from abusers and other painful traumas, and why it was expanded. She argued a lot with Mum about it. Told her it was really none of her business what her grown son and soon to be mate did with their lives.”

          “She sounds very... Impressive.”

          “Oh, Ma was.”

          “Do you miss her?”

          “Sometimes more than others.” He shrugged, lip tugged through his teeth. “Going through all this with the fire and your memory loss, a little more. I was always closer with her than Mum and I know she would have the right things to say throughout this. I wish she could meet them.”

          “Do you think she’d spoil them?”

          “Definitely. Mixed with trying to get at least one of them to train to be a doctor at the hut.” With a long sigh, he took a moment to gather his thoughts. “The only grandparents they have are your Pop and my Ma. Your father is still at his post to the Tribe North of here and I haven’t talked to my mother since half a year before we ever started to try for a baby. I feel like it’s not enough.”

          “Does my father know of... Everything?”

          “He knows most of it. He couldn’t get permission to return. It’s his last term before he retires. He promised to come to visit as soon as he could.”

          “I was wondering where he was. I figured he was still the ambassador there but… trying to remember make it all come apart at the seams.” He hummed before quietly asking, eyes falling to his stomach. “Did we have to try very long for them?”

          “No. I had been taking contraceptives since before and it took a few months for them to get out of my system once I stopped taking them.”

          Jonghyun’s face twisted in confusion. “Why didn’t I take them?” 

          “We tried both taking them, but you had a horrible reaction to them and we didn’t want to risk you having a worst one to an alternative. So I continued taking them and we used condoms. It seemed to work enough.” Jinki let go of his hand to caress the curve of his stomach. “I can remember the moment you told me you wanted to try to have children, to start a family, like it was yesterday.”

          “Oh really?”

          “Yeah,” Jinki chuckled softly before continuing, “It wasn’t some grand planned out thing. We were laying on the couch after coming home from one Sunday Night dinner and You just looked at me and said you wanted my baby. I looked at you fully and just told you alright.”

          “Just like that?” Jonghyun laughed a little, “I nonchalantly said I wanted your baby and you just went alright?” 

          “We had been together for something like fourteen years. And it wasn’t an if we’d have kids, but a when, and I had been ready for them for a bit. I was waiting on you to be.” He pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s cheek. 

          “I’ve had a lot of questions. I’m sorry.”

          “I asked you to. I’ll always be here when you need me.”

          When Jonghyun speaks again, his voice is barely a whisper as the words get caught in his throat, a swell of emotion filling him. “Thank you.”

          “Oh, Baby come here.” Easily they fell back into their original positions, laying down curled together, but now they faced each other. Jonghyun’s hand was held tightly against Jinki’s chest, body bent to accommodate his stomach, as he curled his fingers into Jinki’s shirt. “I thought you knew that.”

          “I do, I do I just-” 

          “It’s alright. You don’t have to explain. I got you.”

\----

          Jinki looked up from the flames when he heard the back door squeak. He smiled with a slight lift of his fingers in greeting as Minho jogged down the few steps toward the fire pit. “You two sure look comfortable.” 

          Both pairs of eyes drifted to Jonghyun who was sleeping against Jinki’s shoulder, blanket throw over his shoulders. “I haven’t had the heart to wake him just yet.” 

          Minho leaned back in the chair to the right of them, bringing a foot up and smiling, “How’d it go at the doctor's today?” 

          “Good. He’s healthy and the babies are progressing nicely. They think he’s gonna go early.” 

          “That’s good to hear.” Minho tapped his fingers on his knee before saying, “It’s almost really nice seeing you two like this. You resemble yourselves more.” 

          “He told me he wants more, but-”

          “It’s hard for you.”

          Reluctantly, he nodded, careful not to jostle Jonghyun. “It was so difficult to stop wanting to touch him, to be near him and be what we were for so long. I got as used to that pressure in my chest every time I pushed a desire down as much as I could and now it’s hard to open myself up again.” 

          “He’s trying to remember you.”

          “I know he is.” Jinki pressed a slow kiss to his hair, eyes fluttering closed for a moment before he shifted his gaze to Minho, not moving his cheek from the top of Jonghyun’s head. “And for now, that’s all I can ask for. It’s more than enough. He’s trying to remember. Some part of him must want to stay with me.”  The fire flickered, shadows dancing over Minho’s features as he shook his head. Jinki just softly laughed, “What?” 

          “You really believe he’s going anywhere else?”

          “It’s a possibility.”

          “You’ve been like a second big brother to me for most of my life, Jinki. I witness you two dancing around each other for years. These last couple of months he’s been dealing with so many different feelings. The foreign feeling of being pregnant with children he doesn’t recall conceiving, the guilt over that, being happy when they move and return to the guilt of not remembering if you two ever talked about possible names for future children. It pains me to see him fighting himself constantly.” He sweetly smiled then, running his fingers through his hair. “But I’ve seen the smile blooming on his face the moment you walk through the door. We’ve been in the middle of making dinner and he just freezes and says Jinki’s coming because even now he on a very basic level knows you, is connected. He’s told me nothing could make sense and then you walk into the room and everything feels as if it snaps into place for a few moments.

          “You’ve lost faith in each other, in your relationship and love. Those memories he doesn’t remember are important don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always believed there was something between you that couldn’t be explained. You two clicked like you were two parts of a whole. That connection, chemistry, and history… doesn’t completely go away. His body, his senses, remember you so intimately Jinki when his mind doesn’t.” He let his leg go back down to the floor and scooted to the edge of the chair. “I came out here to say Changmin and I are retiring to bed. Just… find that faith again Jinki.”

          “I- I’ll try.”

          “Good. Sweet dreams.”

          “Mm, Goodnight.” But Jinki wasn’t watching him turn and leave, instead, choosing to watch the way Jonghyun was shifting against him, nuzzling closer. 

          Faith. What an odd concept. 

\-----

          “Hey Jinx?”

          The hammer slowly fell from the nail as he twisted to gaze over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

          “Mum’s here.” 

          “What?” He whipped his head toward his friend smacking his forehead into the beam he forgot was there and ladder shaking a bit under him. “Fuck.”

          “Is that any way to greet your Mother, Son?” 

          He squinted through the spots in his vision down to see the small petite woman. “Depends on why you’re here, Mum.” 

          Kibum looked between the two of them before slowly laying his own hammer and tool belt on the work table by the large door frame, before slipping out with a quiet, “Take that as my queue.” 

          “I was looking for you. Came by a few days ago, but found this. What happened?” 

          Jinki gripped the last ladder rung as his feet hit the ground for a few more minutes, eyes squeezing shut to stop the dizziness. He made a mental note to stop by the Hut on the way to Minho’s before turning. “There was a fire. I’m rebuilding it.”

          “I saw Jonghyun and Minho about a week ago.”

          “I know. He told me.”

          “It wasn’t very nice that he acted like he didn’t know me.” She crossed her arms, gray hair blowing in the cooling breeze coming through what would hold the windows. “I know we didn’t leave on good terms but-”

          “He doesn’t know you.” Jinki tossed his hammer into the big tool bag against the far wall, not flinching at all with the loud crash as it collided with the other contents. “He suffered a head injury during the fire. He doesn’t remember much about me. That includes you.” 

          “The baby is yours right?”

          “No, he promptly ran into the arms of another alpha.” Jinki rolled his eyes. “No, they both are. He smells more like me than I do.” 

          She pressed her lips together as she crossed her arms, gazing at him. “I came back to apologize.”

          Jinki rose an eyebrow, finding the pitcher of water Kibum had gotten from the stream behind the house, and pouring a small cup. After sipping slowly he asked, “Apologies for what?” 

          “How we ended things after your Ma died.” 

          “It’s been three years, Mum.” A part of him wanted to run to her, to get the comfort from one of his mothers again, but a bigger part of him ached from the burns her actions marked him with. “I hope I never have to feel the bond I have with Jonghyun shatter as you did with Ma, not for a very long time, but I do know what it’s like to feel the bond, but not feel the other end. Like there’s a giant wall between the connection between me and my other half. I feel half empty. Like I’m a hundred feet under the water and all around me is fuzzy darkness.  
“But I doubt you read my letter. I reached out to the last known location of you because my world was crumbling around me and I had no blood family in my corner. I had to deal with the thought that I’d have to raise my sons without Jonghyun with me and plan on watching him live a life without me in it. I’m still struggling to grasp everything that’s happening. But you don’t know any of that. You didn’t even read the letter I sent telling you he was expecting, my olive branch because I wanted my child to know the family they had left.

          “I have too much in my life going on to deal with this. If you are really apologetic for how you left things and plan to stay around long enough, I’ll forgive you and move past this. If not, maybe it’s best you return back to where you came from.”

          “You don’t mean that Jinki.” Her arms had fallen from her chest, laying limp by her sides.

          “I mean every word. I have two babies coming into this world in the next three or so months and half a house built with winter right around the corner. I don’t have time, nor do I have any desire, to pay these beating around the bush games.” He gazed past her to the slowly setting sun before returning to her eyes. “I am tired of fighting for a relationship with my only living parent, Mum. I’ve been doing it for years and I’m exhausted. If you want a relationship with me, with your grandchildren, I’ll forgive you, but you’re still going to have to realize what you did was wrong.”

          “Of course I want to be a part of my grandchildren’s lives, of yours. It was hard to look at you and see your Mother.”

          "And you think it wasn't hard for me to basically lose both of my parents at once? One to death and the other to grief?"

          She sighed quietly, gaze falling. "I suppose you're right."

          “I’ll ask Jonghyun if he feels comfortable having dinner with you. Maybe next Thursday.”

          “I’d like that.” She flashed a little smile before hesitantly saying. “I do love you, Jinki.”

          “I know, Mum. You’re just really bad at showing it.” 

\------


End file.
